Last night’s telephone call from Son who graduates college next weekend:
SON: Hi! How ya doin’? I took my last final today. I’m finished with school.
OSV: That is so great! I hear traffic noise, are you on your way home?
SON: Yeah, I’m on the road. I should be there in about 4 hours. I have everything in the car. Everything. All my clothes, my electronics, everything. What kind of hookup do you guys have now for the computer?
OSV: The house has DSL but my laptop is wireless.
SON: So you have a router? Can I hook mine up?
OSV: I’m not sure. Does your computer have wireless capability?
SON: How is the box connected?
OSV: What box?
SON: Who do you pay for your monthly wireless service?
OSV: Why are you answering my questions with other questions? It’s like I’m talking to The Riddler. I don’t pay anyone monthly. We have a router. I’ve never seen a box.
SON: So if there’s no box then you’re stealing service. That’s all I wanted to know.
OSV: Stealing service? How could you think that? I’m your mother, I don’t steal.
SON: It’s a term, Mom, calm down. If you don’t pay a wireless provider for monthly service it’s known as ‘stealing’. It’s the term that’s used. I wasn’t accusing you of anything. I mean it’s not like you take things from hotels or anything. Right?
OSV: Are you trying to annoy me? That is definitely not stealing when you take things from hotels you’ve paid to stay at. It’s considered enjoying the establishment’s hospitality. I don’t take anything of value. I take soap. Lotion. Stuff like that. They mean for you to take it.
SON: What about that little white thing in the kitchen, the pitcher, the thing from when you went to Italy?
OSV: It’s a creamer. Europe has different rules.
SON: Of course. I’ll be home for about a week and then I’ll head back here for graduation the day before you guys come. Is the spin cycle on the washing machine fixed? Did I say I have everything in the car?
OSV: I believe it is and I believe you did. I hope you’ll be around Sunday so we can all go out to dinner for Mother’s Day.
SON: Sunday?
OSV: Yes, Sunday. Did you make plans for Sunday?
SON: Sunday I’ll be at some friends’ houses.
OSV: Why?
SON: Their mothers are all so nice to me. It’s Mother’s Day, right?
OSV: I thought we’d go for sushi. And I invited a girl from my class to join us.
SON: You did? Why?
OSV: Because she’s a doll and she’s a year older than your sister and I talk about you guys all the time and she has a brother your age and I just like her. I think she lost her mom so I thought she might not have plans for the day and maybe she’d like to hang out with us.
SON: Who wouldn’t? You did good, Mom. I look forward to meeting your friend. I can’t believe I’m done with school. For the first time ever I’m done with school. And now I wouldn’t go again unless somebody paid me.
OSV: In that case I don’t think you have much to worry about. Listen, I’m doing some laundry now but I’ll be done by the time you get home if you want to get started on yours.
SON: My laundry? First I have to sleep for a few days, Mom. I’M DONE WITH SCHOOL!
OSV: And I am so proud of you! We’ll have a lovely Mother’s Day, a nice dinner with the family.
SON: And the new girl.
OSV: And the new girl. Drive very carefully, okay? I’ll see you in a few hours.
SON: You got it. Maybe I’ll be home in time to watch you do your homework.
OSV: Funny. You’re a funny guy.