Today I read Dear Abby in the newspaper and one of the questions was from a 13-year-old who had experienced a traumatic incident in the life of an early adolescent. She had been cleaning out her fish tank in the kitchen sink and one of her fish slipped down the drain. The writer was feeling guilt-ridden and responsible for the death of a helpless creature and wanted to know how to deal with these emotions.
The advice columnist responded with solid reassurance that the writer was certainly not the only fish owner this had ever happened to and that she might find some solace in saying a little prayer over the drain and then vowing to be more careful in the future, perhaps by transferring her fish to another container before cleaning out the tank.
When I read this column in the paper today I felt a real emotional tug for the young teen who wrote in with this question since it suggested there might not be anyone present in her life she could talk about it with. Chances are that if this girl doesn’t have an adult to get dead fish absolution from she also has no one to talk to about sex or the changes in her body or people in her life or school who might be giving her trouble or behaving inappropriately. The fact that my mother was someone I could talk to about anything made me even sadder that this kid didn’t seem to have one of those moms.
I remember when I was in junior high and I was walking through a park with a close friend and she asked me what I knew about masturbation. I gave her my best explanation which is pretty much the information I would give today. She asked me where I found all this out and I told her I had asked my mother and we had a long talk about it. My friend said she could never talk about sex with her mother, it would be too embarrassing. I asked her why she would be embarrassed and she said, “Not me. My mother.”
Whether this was actually the case or if my friend was projecting her own reluctance onto her mother or if she herself grew up to be the kind of mom her kids could talk to or not because they thought she’d be embarrassed will never be known. The important thing is I knew the safety of knowing where to bring my fears and questions as a child and in turn made sure my kids knew where to bring theirs. Whatever other mistakes I made as a parent, and I’m sure there were many, I always tried to make certain this was not one of them.
Right below Dear Abby were the horoscopes for the day and here was mine: Trust what you know. Then relax and settle into your own point of view. You don’t need to persuade anyone to see the world your way. Convince yourself. That’s enough.
I liked that because no matter how old we are and how much we’ve tried to do all the important things right, every once in a while it’s nice to feel assured we’ve done the best we can and it really is enough.
Let’s stay on that page and call Daughter’s Featured Fotos today Evocative
street sale
glory days
language is worth a thousand pounds a word
stella!!!!!