A good friend called me the other night asking for some buying points on eBay. She was unfamiliar with the whole place-a-bid-and-then-wait concept of this modern art form, and she thought I might be able to provide some guidance since the last time we were together both of the things she complimented me on wearing I had won online.
A little over two years ago, this friend endured a horrible family crisis followed by an even worse personal tragedy. Shortly after losing both parents in a close proximity of time, she inadvertently happened upon evidence that her husband of 25 years had maxed out their credit cards and also taken out new ones she knew nothing about to the tune of $60,000.
Distraught and devastated, she confronted him and set her mind and energy to doing whatever was necessary to rebuild their trust and financial future. Sadly, his own demons kept him from making the same commitment, and in a heartbreaking and unexpected action, he took his own life. She and I will always have a unique bond as I was with her when the police called with this life-shattering news. No one chooses an event that brings them into the heart of someone else’s life, but once it happens, the friendship’s landscape is forever changed.
In the two years that followed her husband’s death, she clawed her way out of the debt he left behind, and continued to build the career she had relied on and excelled at since her twenties. Always self-employed, she was forced to abandon ideas like replacing her old car or purchasing anything beyond necessities. Finding out I had found cool stuff on eBay reasonably priced made her wonder if she also could have as much enjoyment and success with it as I had. I told her to keep talking while I went to my computer and logged onto my own account for reference.
Earlier that day, the stock market had taken its biggest dip since the crash of 1929. For the past several months, the country has been gripped with panic as major investment houses have gone under and even banking institutions proved unstable. Neighborhoods that were always considered upscale became dotted with homes in foreclosure. My friend spoke on the phone philosophically as I looked over my eBay screen.
“You know,” she said, “I’ve been thinking for so long that I’m living a dog’s life. Like even if I could afford a newer car, where the hell am I going with gas $4.00 a gallon? I’m fifty years old and I don’t have health insurance or retirement savings. I never go to restaurants or take a vacation. But I’m finally out of debt and I even made the last payment on the mortgage. I got my teeth fixed with the money my parents left me. I belong to a gym.”
Here she paused. “Today it hit me that I’m probably better off than half the people who live in this country. People whose husbands didn’t fucking kill themselves and leave the mess for them to clean up. This economy shit right now, it kind of puts us all in the same hole together, doesn’t it?” Yes, my survivor friend, it does.
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