We have something brand new in our basement. Crickets. No, they’re not pets. They just showed up. And we’re not talking the cute little Jiminy variety; these are giant rogue-type specimens. As if I’d been thinking this is what’s missing in my life, hidden creatures that would jump into my face as I bent over in the laundry room to pick up a sock. What better reward for zooming down two flights of steps on a commercial break from Project Runway than jet propelled insect legs slapping against my cheek in an enclosed space. Aiiieeeeeee!
I ran back upstairs and burst into our bedroom where Husband was munching Chips Ahoy cookies in his recliner.
HUSBAND: Hey, you cut it pretty close. They’re just heading down to the runway.
OSV: We’re moving.
Husband didn’t even look up. That’s the problem with hysterical declarations. They’re often made by repeat offenders. There I was, circling the room with cricket DNA on my face and I couldn’t kick up a molecule of attention.
OSV: Did you hear what I said?
HUSBAND: Call the exterminator.
OSV: Why are you telling me that?
HUSBAND: Because you must have seen a bug in the basement.
I felt totally revealed and transparent. The Girl Who Cried Insect.
OSV: Don’t you want to go kill it and avenge me?
Husband looked up at me as I put on my most fetching damsel in distress expression for my knight in shining armor. He chewed his cookie while taking me in with his eyes. I shifted my weight provocatively from one leg to the other.
HUSBAND: No.
OSV: Shit.
In the morning I went to the hardware store to buy some boric acid as my exhaustive Internet search recommended. The clerk walked me to the pest control shelf and noticed the spot was empty.
CLERK: You wouldn’t want this for crickets by any chance, would you?
OSV: Yes! Yes! They’re hopping all around our basement.
CLERK: Yeah, yours and everybody else’s. I guess that’s why we’re out.
OSV: What else would you suggest?
The clerk looked at me and grinned.
CLERK: You could always move.
Wiseass.
There’s Fun Out There according to Daughter’s Featured Fotos
fun with plastic
crash full rhythm from the catch series
3,038 – robert sagerman
learning to love
mii