The past couple of weeks have found me in a major rally to beat this nasty bug that has me lagging behind in my work and play. At home more than I’d like to be with a less than sharp focus, I’ve been watching so much TV that I’ve had real dreams of a future time when no one has even heard of a Kardashian let alone a whole clan of them. Reading makes my eyes hurt and music gives me a headache, which leaves only sleep or the vast frontier of televised companions I can either mute or totally ignore and still not be alone.
This morning my parade of one-dimensional visitors looked and sounded like this:
Are your nails brittle and weak? Grow healthy strong nails in as little as fourteen days!
Is your hair dull and lifeless? Give sparkle and shine to even the most damaged hair.
Do you have unsightly belly fat?
Are your drains clogged with your dull lifeless hair and belly fat? Why call a plumber when for only $9.99 the turbo snake can clear every drain in your house instantly.
BUT WAIT! Call in the next ten minutes and we’ll DOUBLE YOUR ORDER and you pay only shipping and handling for the second snake.
Have you ever taken advantage of one of these offers? I did. I got a second Swivel Sweeper for only $14.95 shipping and handling, totaling the same amount I paid for the first Swivel Sweeper. When they arrived Husband said, “We need two of these?” I said that the second one was free so now we could each have our own. He gave me That Look.
I’m confused as to why all the daytime sales pitches are aimed at women since the day when housewives sat ironing in front of their soaps has certainly passed. Or has it? With the unemployment rate what it is one would think the male population sitting by default in front of the flat screen has increased in proportion to the widely suffered layoffs in our current hard times. But even so, the beer and car commercials don’t come on full force until after dinner. Daylight hours are still reserved for cleaning products, sanitary pads, birth control pills, and lawyers to represent your case against the people who make the birth control pills. This cornucopia of concern for the modern woman is interrupted only by occasional warnings about identity theft and desperate people with structured settlements screaming out their windows that it’s their money and they WANT IT NOW!
From where I sit with my Kleenex, lozenges, and Vitamin Water, the only thing more pathetic than shouting out your window about your finances is blogging about fictional people doing it. But the Progresso soup commercial just inspired me to go downstairs and root around in the cupboard for something I can fool myself tastes like homemade. While I’m down there I think I’ll run the Swivel Sweeper around a little. And if one of the Kardashians shows up I even have a spare.
Daughter’s Featured Fotos offer Shades of Gray
snow day
absinthe
moon over israel
