I got an email yesterday morning from my friend betty’s sister, who for this entry we’ll call bettysister. You may have noticed that I try and use artificial but relevant names for my friends and family in these posts in order to provide a level of disguise. This is in case they don’t want whatever I’m writing traced back to them in any way. It probably isn’t necessary since I stay in phantom territory myself and never use my own name in any of the entries or provide a personal bio on the home page like most bloggers. Since this website is in its fifth year of obsessive anonymity no one knows who anyone is unless we’re us and wouldn’t a shrink have a field day with that?
Speaking of shrinks, in the past I referred to mine as the Wise Man because he picked up on my crap in record time without me even noticing. I call my friend betty by that name because according to the Urban Dictionary a betty is an attractive confident woman. I call another friend JJ because she is a therapist and college professor who used to be a cabaret songbird and JJ kind of sings in a smart way. My friend Caryn is Caryn out of respect for the fact that any woman who has crouched in the Israeli desert with an UZI in her lap warrants being called by her real name.
The email from bettysister out in the Midwest said she was coming east on business at the end of the month and would I like to meet for lunch? Aside from saying YES! I had many other things to impart so I ran to take a shower so my hair could dry while I was writing my lengthy response. I leaped into the shower stall in the customary naked state and turned on the water with my simultaneous leaping. In a split second of mechanical insanity, the showerhead shot off the pipe and buzzed the side of my head before it smacked against the shower wall and rolled toward the drain. Fortunately it mostly hit hair and not face or scalp, probably because I have more hair than face and scalp.
But let me tell you what comes right after a flying showerhead and that’s filthy gunked up water deposited inside the pipe that you never clean because you’re busy chasing the dust bunnies on the wood floor that you can actually see. It’s also a CANNON of water since there’s no head to moderate it, much as our heads moderate us. On a good day. What I had was a wicked frigging waterfall coming down on me with maximum velocity and a pound of mineralized grit. It was all so bizarre and unexpected that I couldn’t react fast enough to turn the faucets off before getting covered in raw pipe water. I’m reading Stieg Larsson’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattooright now and all I could think of was this T-shirt the protagonist wore that said “Armageddon was yesterday – today we have a serious problem.”
Still, a minor one compared to the endless deluge of snow New York has been hit with that is now collapsing roofs under its weight. Local hardware stores say they sell on average four or five roof rakes a winter. In January alone our Home Depot sold over two hundred. And rumor has it the end isn’t nearly in sight if you have any faith in the designated groundhogs. They’d be smart to stay down in their holes. There’s all manner of mayhem flying around up here.
Daughter’s Featured Fotos recall a Warm Dry City
tranny train at gay pride
hellboy at comic con
little amy winehouse
