We recently returned from our trip to Tucson, and I visited my fitness trainer today for the first time in over two weeks since she and her husband went on vacation right after we got back. Faith and I compared our various experiences and hotel amenities as I warmed up on the elliptical, that mechanical instrument of Satan. When people tell me they routinely do a half hour on the elliptical, I can’t help but think they’re either jerking me around or I’m doing it wrong. I know it’s called exercise for a reason, but it also doesn’t have to feel like piranha biting your legs after five minutes. I’ve been told by these manic workout types that you get into a groove and don’t even know you’re on it after a while. In my legs’ mind, that’s a hard concept to accept. Kind of like waterboarding for fun.
I told Faith that our resort had the most amazing fitness center looking out over the desert fauna and a natural waterfall in the canyon wall. Every piece of equipment had a magnificent view and the design of the center was sleek and state of the art. She asked how many times I managed to get in there and I said, “Did I mention that every machine faced the waterfall?” She nodded and raised her eyebrows. It is as pointless for me to lie to Faith as it is for a condemned man to order meat loaf as his last meal. If I don’t take my workouts seriously, there is every chance that the fat cells I punish on the elliptical will be waiting for me outside in my car. They’re like dust mites. You can’t see them individually, but that doesn’t mean a whole industry hasn’t sprung up to eradicate them.
“Did you at least go once?” she persisted. “Well, of course I went once or how else would I be telling you about it?” I asked with all the sincerity of one of the Real Housewives. Faith lowered her head and looked at me through the tops of her eyeballs. “I ate healthy,” I said piously. “The resort where we stayed was all about sustainable cuisine using the natural ingredients found locally to conjure up amazing dishes. It was a very green vacation.” “And I’m turning green listening to this load of crap,” Faith laughed, handing me a pair of weights for bicep curls. I looked down at them and the curvy 8 stamped on each end. “Hey, don’t I usually use 7 lbs for curls?” Faith shrugged her ridiculously well-toned shoulders. “You’re full of all that sustainable food,” she reminded me, and then added, “You had a good time though, right?” I told her we had an amazing time. “That’s great,” she said, clicking her stopwatch. “Because playtime is over.”
Today’s Fotos feature the vibrant work of Cherokee artist Jesse Hummingbird
We are Bird Clan
Following the star to camp
Day Eagle and Night Eagle
Delivery by Chevy
