The Norfolk Incident revisited

In honor of today being Son’s 26th birthday, I am reprinting a newspaper column I wrote about him 14 years ago.  The subject is dated now, but back in the mid-90s it was something many parents struggled with.

March was the month of our son’s 12th birthday, a genuine milestone marking the passage from innocent childhood to imminent teenhood.  To honor such an auspicious occasion, Son had only one request.  He wanted to get his ear pierced.  Since we are progressive and loving parents, we did the only thing possible.  We bought him a frog tank.

Two weeks after his birthday, as the frogs munched happily on their crickets, the ear piercing issue had managed to escalate from passing opinion to feverish debate.  There seemed to be three sides in evidence:  the right, the left, and the middle.  Anchored squarely on the right was my [ex] husband, Doc, who felt that teachers, bosses, and most anyone in a position of authority look on male pierced body parts unfavorably.  He did not want to see his son at a disadvantage out in the world because of a choice in style.

Swinging over to the left was our 14-year-old daughter, who assured us in the most assertive fashion that three-quarters of her high school’s population had something pierced; male, female, or whatever.  Part of me believed her statistics, and part of me kept in mind that this is the same person who has sworn that she couldn’t get her books from her locker because there were a million people in the hall.

The spot straddling the fence belonged to me.  My hunch was that Doc was right, but I wanted to be won over by my children’s logic and enthusiasm, especially since we were talking about two of my favorite things in the world:  my son and earrings.  The problem was that I had never considered them together.  I was also having an attack of déjà vu observing Daughter’s reaction to her father’s dissertation about diminished opportunity as a result of succumbing to a trend.  “Oh, my God!” she wailed.  “That is so not true!”

It was this exclamation of teen outrage that sent me spinning back in time to a kitchen in Westchester where a different, but similar looking 14-year-old girl was asking parental permission to go on a high school science trip.  My favorite teacher was organizing an expedition to view the total solar eclipse in Norfolk, Virginia, the likes of which would not be seen with such spectacular clarity from the east coast until the year 2000-and-something.  My parents had a long and dependable history of never saying no, especially where education was concerned, and I was already mentally packing my clothes.

“Absolutely not,” my mother gasped in horror.  “You’ll go blind.”

No amount of information about safe viewing techniques could change her mind.  The answer was no.

The bus to Norfolk left without me and also left me wondering how parents can make offhand, seemingly random decisions and adhere to them in the face of all logic or entreaty.  I vowed that should I ever become someone’s mother, I would not be a slave to the timeworn beliefs I had grown accustomed to and would always keep an open heart and mind.

Fast forward back to the future and the local mall, where a just-turned 12-year-old young man sits in a jewelry store, mirror in hand, admiring his new cubic zirconia stud.  No barriers of social injustice or diminished opportunity will stand in his way because he is the child of people who have overcome their past and brushed aside their hard-earned preconceived notions.  The world and all it offers stretches endlessly before him for he is young, he is strong, and he is pierced.

Third in our series of Fotos by Daughter that demonstrate Two Words Say It All

building bags

building bags

furniture red

furniture red

pimped hummer

pimped hummer

instant graffiti

instant graffiti

P.S.  Son is now a businessman, basketball coach, and homeowner who no longer wears an earring.  But having worn one for over half his life had no negative effect, as noted by Daughter, a head teacher with a nose ring.

Posted in Mom in the 'Hood | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on The Norfolk Incident revisited

Lobby Tales

While we were down in Florida visiting my hospitalized father-in-law, we stayed at our favorite Hampton Inn with its lightning fast wireless Internet service and free tasty breakfast.  One of us rocks the early evening manager’s reception complete with complimentary wine, beer, and chips with salsa.  That one would be me.  I like sipping a little sumptin sumptin while observing the lobby action.

One staple of my lobby time was an attractive young Asian woman who constantly walked around with a plate or cup in one hand while looking in a different direction from where she was headed.  Which was nowhere.  She was consistently headed nowhere.  Along the way, she bumped into every other guest, obliviously spilling her food and then smiling wanly by way of apology.  She even got me once.  Dressed in little shorts, a cropped t-shirt, and cork platforms, she looked a bit like a lost hooker.  There were business groups at the hotel but it’s hard to believe she belonged to any of them.  Unless it was the Waif Call Girl Association.

Then there was the father and young son at breakfast every morning dressed in their matching khaki shorts, canvas sandals, and hair that needed combing.  They seemed to have a sweet rapport, and the only remarkable thing about them was that when they left they took a HUGE stack of paper plates and bowls with them.  No food, no utensils, just uber paper goods.  Husband and I were thisclose to asking the father one morning what the deal was, but in the end it was not knowledge that would benefit us in any way and it was probably more fun to just speculate.  We wondered about the number of hotel towels they managed to stuff into their suitcase.  Was the mom in there too?

Then there was the full-figured woman who walked through the lobby every evening on her way out dressed in a get-up reminiscent of Dreamgirls.  One night it was a sapphire blue sateen sheath adorned with fake jewels and spiked silver sandals so high it was hard to watch her try and walk.  She looked way too uncomfortable to be a performer, and the geometrically challenged form she displayed as she moved made it hard to believe this was her dress of choice.  She also didn’t look like she was inviting any conversation so finding out more wasn’t an option.  Maybe if she happened to cross paths with the wan Asian girl so adept at spillage we’d have witnessed some revelations.  But that was not to be so.

We also had an interesting room maid who lined up our toiletries with military precision, and even faced a few with their nozzles toward each other as if they were having a conversation.  Husband came out of the bathroom and said, “Who’s putting my things in rows like toy soldiers?”  I told him I thought we had a maid with OCD or at least a playful sense of humor.  I’d have loved to talk to her about the room with all the paper goods.  But I never did, so I will have to content myself with visions of maids sailing plates over shower rods.  On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me . . .

Second in our series of Two Words Say It All Fotos by Daughter

lint man

lint man

tattooed kid

tattooed kid

ship hole

ship hole

some pills

some pills

Posted in Travelblog | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Lobby Tales

All the Right Moves

We just went down to Florida to be with Husband’s 89-year-old father who took a spill while out shopping.  Seems he was in the parking lot of Best Buy where he went to check out the latest flat screen monitors for his new computer.  A car backing out of a spot startled him and he lost his balance.  After his fall, he picked himself up, drove himself home, parked his car and called 911.  Before the ambulance arrived he made sure to remove all the cash from his wallet.  These emergencies in life require preparation, you know.

By the time we flew down there he was in the Intensive Care Unit and really appeared to be in danger.  Walking into his room after we donned protective gowns and gloves, I noticed he was still wearing his pricey stainless steel watch and diamond stud earring.  If this were a New York City hospital those items would have been gone in sixty seconds.  Every time my mother was taken to a hospital in the city some cherished personal item failed to reach the safe place hospitals promise they have for emergency patients.  The lovely gold watch my father gave her for their 25th anniversary is now someone else’s family heirloom.

My father-in-law is a feisty one as I wrote a while back in Hurry Up and Wait.  He’s hellbent on reaching 100 and pity the fool who stands in his way.  Shortly after we arrived, he said we needed to go to his apartment and pay the bills sitting on his desk so they wouldn’t be late.  I told him I had stamps with me so we’d take care of it.  He said, “I pay my bills online, don’t you?”  Uh, no, actually I don’t.  He looked at me like I was so yesterday he couldn’t believe it.  I wanted to say, “Well, I’m on Facebook, are you?” but considering the fact he was hooked up to an IV and 3 monitors I thought it might appear childish.

Husband and I went to his apartment and logged onto his bill payment site.  When we opened his mail, we noticed his most recent cell phone bill was a staggering amount.  Husband called AT&T and they confirmed the total due was $4315.53.  His previous monthly bills averaged less than $60.  One might think something was amiss.  The customer service rep asked Husband if we had a lot of family in Haiti.

Obviously my father-in-law’s cell phone was lost or stolen and a rogue bill was incurred.  While Husband was on hold with AT&T, I said maybe a desperate soul trying to locate relatives in Haiti after the earthquake was driven to dishonesty and there was some divine justification for this larcenous action.  Husband, a social worker with a deep sense of human compassion, looked at me like “Give it up, Gandhi” making me realize just how exhausted he was.  AT&T reversed the charges and canceled the phone number.

It was a tough visit all around, what with Husband having lost his mother less than two years ago, and me with memories of my own mom taking her last breath in a different ICU.  As I watched Husband struggle with his father’s failing health, it took me back to 2004 when both my parents and grandmother were all dying in different places and I was frantically trying to be at everyone’s bedside.  I predicted this trip would be difficult for me so I wore a little silver locket that carries pictures of the parents I think about every day.  While we were down in Florida I opened my locket several times to look at their faces, never once missing that missing gold watch.

Today’s entry begins a series of Featured Fotos
by Daughter wherein Two Words Say It All

hoop tree

hoop tree

american glasses

american glasses

animal parts

animal parts

knock knock

knock knock

Posted in 'Til Death Do Us Part | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on All the Right Moves

Wash & Rinse, Lock & Load

I feel no end of amused affection for the male approach to domesticity.  Unless you’re married to Bobby Flay, guys tend to have a stranger in a strange land thing going on in the kitchen that actually serves them well (“Where do we keep the spatula?  Do we even have a spatula?”)  Men know that appearing too comfortable around the pots and pans will only lead to trouble.  Like magnified expectations.

To give you an example, Husband will pull a knife out of the block, cut something with it, give the blade a nice wipe on the dishtowel, and stick it back in the block.  Maybe there’s some Palmolive in those knife slots I don’t know about, but I doubt it, so I wait for him to leave the kitchen and then wash the knife.

You may wonder why I don’t just ask him to wash it himself after he uses it, but I’m well aware I’ve been given a limited number of chips to redeem when it comes to criticism in this area and I save my stash for the larger issues.  Like rinsing is not washing.  Passing an orange juice glass under a tepid stream of water does not constitute pulp removal.  Pulp’s job is to hang on for dear life with a force proportionate to the amount of time it’s been sitting around away from running water.  Day-old pulp requires a blowtorch.  We won’t even address hardened egg salad on plate rims.  You see where I’m going with this and so does Husband.  Now if only I could tell if you are as moved by my passion as he pretends to be.

Son took culinary classes in college and then worked in restaurants, so he seems to enjoy his kitchen and its accompanying utensils.  One day when he came over to visit shortly after buying his own house, he picked up a measuring cup from my dish drainer.

SON:  I could really use one of these.

OSV:  A measuring cup?

SON:  Do you have an extra one?

OSV:  No, I don’t.

SON:  You’re kidding.  You have two of everything.  You have around ten salt shakers.

OSV:  And if you wanted a salt shaker you’d be in luck.

SON:  (still holding the measuring cup)  Can I have this one?

OSV:  Then what will I use?

SON:  Well, do you use it a lot?

OSV:  Why don’t you just buy your own?

SON:  Where?

OSV:  Anywhere.

SON:  Be more specific.

OSV:  Oh, for God’s sake.

You’re probably wondering if I wound up giving it to him.  If I did, it would mean that even though he no longer lives under our roof, he still knows how to manipulate me to get what he wants.  Like when I used to tell him he could only play one sport a season because I couldn’t drive him to more than that, and he played like twenty and I drove him everywhere.  I am not a trained seal.  If you’re thinking of throwing me a fish you will be disappointed.  But not very.

Daughter visited the Gold Coast Train Museum in Miami, Florida where she channeled
her inner Choo Choo Charlie

locomotive

locomotive

lounge car

lounge car

dining car

dining car

loo

loo

sleeping compartment

sleeping compartment

all aboard!

all aboard!

FYI:  Husband remarked after reading this entry that he is still easier to live with than I am.  So noted.

Posted in 'Til Death Do Us Part | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Wash & Rinse, Lock & Load

It’s a team thang

Working together is on my mind lately, beginning with a group activity in my online History of Math class.  Neither history nor math ever rang my bell in school before, but going back to college in my fifties has taught me I’m not who I thought I was, and things that previously held no interest are suddenly engrossing.  Learning about which ancient culture invented the zero or discovered algebra and geometric relationships is truly absorbing.  Go figure.  It’s my first online course and my classmates and instructor are spread across time zones, age range, and learning experience.  When a group project was posted with permission required to work individually, I opted to rely on my own efforts and bow out of the team spirit.

Now that it’s over and handed in, I’m happy that I had a report to hand in.  A couple of the teams couldn’t get it together enough to hand ANYTHING in and the ones that did struggled mightily.  All team interaction had to take place on a class message board so the instructor could ascertain the contribution level of each participant.  There was initially a lot of What do you want to do?  I dunno, what do YOU want to do? and then the cop-outs began, like I’ll be out of town the day it’s due so whatever the team decides is okay with me, and I’m an economics major so I’ll let the English majors do the actual writing, and finally, this frantic plea from one of the default team leaders HAS ANYONE ON THIS TEAM EVER WRITTEN A PAPER BEFORE??!

Two of the teams completely fell apart with the members having to turn in individual papers late, and one team effort was posted on time with the disclaimer of the aforementioned leader “Here it is and I’m ashamed to have my name on it.  I’ll never do anything like this again.”  Not quite the all-for-one project the instructor had envisioned, I’m sure, but the whole thing smelled off to me from the start.  If adults haven’t learned what they should about group ethics by the time they’re adults, it won’t come just because others are depending on them.

We here in New York can look to our state government for proof of that.  First we lost our governor, Eliot Spitzer, due to his penchant for pay-to-play team activities, otherwise known as prostitution.  What we got for our trouble was Governor David Paterson, who guided the state into creative ruin while denouncing the frat boy antics of our overpaid senate.  With Paterson admitting up front that he and his wife had both strayed outside their marriage, at least we knew what we were getting.  But now he has been forced to bow out of the upcoming election and may even be removed from office before his current term expires.

Seems one of his aides beat up his girlfriend, and our governor told two state employees to try and coerce the woman into dropping the charges.  As of today, the State Police superintendent and Paterson’s top law enforcement adviser have both resigned.  If the governor resorts to claiming he acted out of regard for his administration’s continued ability to govern, he’ll have to deal with our outcry DOES ANYONE ON THIS TEAM REMEMBER WHO THEY’RE SERVING?

Daughter’s Featured Fotos offer Parting Shots of Winter, we hope

snow trails

snow trails

stacked

stacked

views

views

cozy cafe

cozy cafe

Posted in Skool Daze | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on It’s a team thang

Zip it

I read Husband a story this morning from the paper that cemented the end of another era in my memory, that of the doctor who makes house calls.  The piece was about the passing of an 84-year-old area physician who conducted a successful medical practice for 61 years.  He took no insurance beside Medicare, visited his patients at their bedside, and delivered babies who grew up to bring their own babies to him.  The article was accompanied by a picture of the doctor in his later years walking down a street carrying his black medical bag, a design that Louis Vuitton copied long ago and will sell to you for about $1,800, stethoscope not included.

Both Husband and I are in our fifties and can easily recall childhood memories of being visited by doctors in our bedrooms.  My pediatrician was a Dr. Meyerson, the scariest person I had ever seen.  He was about six-and-a-half feet tall with a pencil mustache and a deep, booming voice.  He filled the doorway of our Brooklyn housing project apartment, and I can still see my average-height mother looking up at him as she answered the door with her head tilted so far back I could see the part at the top of her hair.

As soon as I saw him I would always scream, “Did he bring his bag?!” because I knew that bag had a needle in it that was bound to wind up in my butt cheek.  Looking back it was a crazy thing to scream out because OF COURSE he brought his bag, why else would he be there, but it strikes me as a classic moment of childhood magical thinking.  If he had no bag, I got no shot.

My mom was intuitive and wonderful and never, ever lied to me.  So one time when I was about five and had a horrible sore throat and high fever, I begged my mother not to call Dr. Meyerson so desperately that she said okay, she wouldn’t call him.  I said Promise? and she said Promise.  I lay there in my misery at least knowing there would be no terrifying, deep-voiced giant with a needle in my future.

Sometime that day the doorbell rang and from where I lay on the living room couch swaddled in blankets I saw my mother’s head tilt back as she opened the door, and the feeling of hot betrayal mixed with hot fever filled my senses with such a rush that I can close my eyes and still remember the anger and fear that welled up in my little girl brain.  I screamed and cried the whole time the doctor was there and yelled bloody murder when he pushed his needle into my little girl butt.  It was the first and only time in my life that I thought I might hate my mother.

She apologized through her own tears after he left and swore she would never lie like that to me again.  After having two children of my own I can understand the depth of her worry for a child so sick that she needed a house call, and I appreciate the conflicted judgment call she felt she had to make.  And certainly a lifetime of love and caring without further transgression should obliterate this memory, but here it is, still around.

After sharing it with Husband, I said, “I wonder if either of my kids have a memory like that of me that I don’t know about.  Maybe I’ll ask them.”

Husband looked at me in total disbelief.  “Why in the world would you go looking for that kind of pain?”

He’s right, of course.  I hope I don’t ask.

Daughter’s Featured Fotos offer More Winter Views and a shout-out to Bobby’s Band

dedicated construction

dedicated construction

ski dog

ski dog

the 'hood in the 'sno

the hood in the sno

zip it 4 2_27thepeace

Posted in Brooklyn is calling | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Zip it

The Doonesbury Paradigm

I came of age with Doonesbury.  Garry Trudeau’s comic strip debuted in 1970, the year I turned sixteen amid the country’s involvement with the Vietnam War, the sexual revolution, women’s rights, and social activism.  For the first time in the nation’s history, the Funny Pages of the daily newspaper chronicled the everyday lives of people just like my friends and me.  And if not exactly us, then our neighbors, our parents, our teachers, and our leaders.  The characters were recognizable and relatable, mainly because they were based on composites of people from Trudeau’s own life and student years at Yale.  Beyond the characters that so eerily reflected our thoughts, the larger world was depicted, giving a semblance of reason and humor to those front-page trendsetters and decision makers out of our reach, our politicians and celebrities.  Yale became Walden College.  Duke was reckless power incarnate.  Blind service to one’s country was B.D.  And Trudeau became Mike Doonesbury, observer and participant along with the rest of us, America’s Everyman.

I recently wrote a paper for one of my classes about Doonesbury, and my teacher was fascinated because she had stopped reading the strip about ten years ago.  She belongs to one of the generations after mine that no longer reads newspapers.  My grown children fall into this category.  If it’s not online, it’s not in their lives.  As a former print journalist, it breaks my heart.

Christopher Lamb noted in Changing With The Times:  The World According to Doonesbury, “When the cultural wave shifts, Doonesbury moves with it.  This does not apply to most comic strips where characters say the same thing in the same place day after day, year after year.  Lucy, Linus, and Charlie Brown are always kids.”  But not in Doonesbury.  Just like in our own lives, the campus liberals and hippies of the sixties and seventies got married in the eighties, had kids, got divorced, started over, changed jobs, dealt with aging parents, and on and on.

There are so many arenas where the denizens of Doonesbury parallel the lives of we mortals – Mark Slackmeyer coming out of the closet as the first openly gay comic strip character in history; Zonker Harris’s well-worn reluctance to graduate college saying, “The only thing between me and the real world is one unflunkable ceramics course;” shallow journalist Roland Hedley’s seduction by and ultimate abuse of Twitter; left-wingers Joanie Caucus and Rick Redfern, whose mercenary son works undercover for the CIA.  The same ironies, twists of fate, and life decisions – good and bad, planned and unplanned – that flesh and blood people see pass through their own lives.  Our comic strip counterparts wrestle with conundrums that resonate, such as Mike Doonesbury’s lament upon being told in his first post-college job as an advertising copywriter that he had to sell Ronald Reagan to black voters.  His plaintive response was, “This is a test, right?  To see if I have no shame?”

Perhaps the most affecting storyline and character rebirth has occurred with B.D.  Always in a helmet – be it a football helmet in college, a camouflage helmet in Vietnam, or in California Highway Patrol headgear – B.D. embodied the middle-American soldier, unquestioning in his ideals and service to a higher order.  As a quarterback at Walden College, he told a fellow player who showed up to practice stoned, “Marijuana leads to communism.”  And when he was sent home heartbroken from Vietnam, he bemoaned his fate by saying, “This war had such promise.”

But in Trudeau’s 2005 book The Long Road Home: One Step at a Time, B.D. appears without a helmet for the first time, and also without a leg.  Serving as an Army officer in Iraq, a grenade hit his Humvee near Fallujah, nearly killing him.  The book, and the strip ever since, depicts B.D.’s coming to terms with his faith in the military as expressed by an Army officer’s rendering of the present-day Catch-22:  “We’ve got 150,000 troops in Iraq whose main mission is to not get killed.”  In therapy sessions, talks with fellow vets, and interactions with his supportive and sometimes confused family and friends, B.D. comes to embody Trudeau’s love-the-warrior-but-hate-the-war sensibility which has been present through Vietnam, the Gulf War, Iraq, and Afghanistan.

A recent addition to the war scenario is Melissa, a young enlistee who suffered a sexual assault at the hands of an officer.  Her road back to self-esteem, and her decision to return to the front, has elicited some of the most poignant yet knowingly humorous strips of late.  Mirroring a situation that must go on more often than the public is aware, Doonesbury once again opens the door a crack for us to see in.

doonesbury 1 doonesburypositive

And then:

doonesbury 2 dudesisterdoonesbury

Why does it all ring so true?  As far back as 1984, Gloria Steinem summed it up in her introduction toDoonesbury Dossier: The Reagan Years:  “Trudeau’s people grow, take on new ideas, change their jobs and even their personal worlds. . . This gives us faith.  If the Doonesbury characters we love and identify with can change and be redeemed, surely we the readers can change and be redeemed too.”

Over twenty-five years later, it’s a different war and a history-making President.  Our lives have changed and so have the lives of our counterparts in Doonesbury.  The only constant has been the reflection we see every time we read it.  For as long as it stays around for us to read.

Daughter’s Featured Foto says THINK SPRING

doonesbury 3 2_23thinkspring

Posted in MindFrame | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on The Doonesbury Paradigm

Sophisticated times

The past couple of weeks have found me in a major rally to beat this nasty bug that has me lagging behind in my work and play.  At home more than I’d like to be with a less than sharp focus, I’ve been watching so much TV that I’ve had real dreams of a future time when no one has even heard of a Kardashian let alone a whole clan of them.  Reading makes my eyes hurt and music gives me a headache, which leaves only sleep or the vast frontier of televised companions I can either mute or totally ignore and still not be alone.

This morning my parade of one-dimensional visitors looked and sounded like this:

Are your nails brittle and weak?  Grow healthy strong nails in as little as fourteen days!

Is your hair dull and lifeless?  Give sparkle and shine to even the most damaged hair.

Do you have unsightly belly fat?

Are your drains clogged with your dull lifeless hair and belly fat?  Why call a plumber when for only $9.99 the turbo snake can clear every drain in your house instantly.

BUT WAIT!  Call in the next ten minutes and we’ll DOUBLE YOUR ORDER and you pay only shipping and handling for the second snake.

Have you ever taken advantage of one of these offers?  I did.  I got a second Swivel Sweeper for only $14.95 shipping and handling, totaling the same amount I paid for the first Swivel Sweeper.  When they arrived Husband said, “We need two of these?”  I said that the second one was free so now we could each have our own.  He gave me That Look.

I’m confused as to why all the daytime sales pitches are aimed at women since the day when housewives sat ironing in front of their soaps has certainly passed.  Or has it?  With the unemployment rate what it is one would think the male population sitting by default in front of the flat screen has increased in proportion to the widely suffered layoffs in our current hard times.  But even so, the beer and car commercials don’t come on full force until after dinner.  Daylight hours are still reserved for cleaning products, sanitary pads, birth control pills, and lawyers to represent your case against the people who make the birth control pills.  This cornucopia of concern for the modern woman is interrupted only by occasional warnings about identity theft and desperate people with structured settlements screaming out their windows that it’s their money and they WANT IT NOW!

From where I sit with my Kleenex, lozenges, and Vitamin Water, the only thing more pathetic than shouting out your window about your finances is blogging about fictional people doing it.  But the Progresso soup commercial just inspired me to go downstairs and root around in the cupboard for something I can fool myself tastes like homemade.  While I’m down there I think I’ll run the Swivel Sweeper around a little.  And if one of the Kardashians shows up I even have a spare.

Daughter’s Featured Fotos offer Shades of Gray

snow day

snow day

absinthe

absinthe

moon over israel

moon over israel

sophisticated 4 2_19itstime

Posted in Random Thoughts and Adventures | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on Sophisticated times

By the time I got to Woodstock

This past weekend was the first annual Woodstock Writers Festival, an event I bought a pass to way back when I was feeling totally healthy and not slinking around with this disgusting whatever it is I have and can’t get rid of.  The little condo Husband and I have upstate is less than ten miles from Woodstock, and since the festival fell on Valentine’s weekend it seemed custom-made for a lovely getaway of cozy togetherness and meaningful separateness.  As it turned out, it was neither.

Husband was recuperating from his own health crappiness and didn’t feel like the three-hour drive.  I didn’t either but I would have had to be scheduled for an amputation to miss hanging out with a couple of hundred other writers and hearing several famous authors speak.  The festival ran Friday to Monday, which meant Sunday morning found me in the empty library parking lot in my pajamas and winter coat trying to glom onto their free wireless so I could send Husband a witty Valentine message.  I could have been an upright citizen and gone to Panera’s which is also free, but that would have required clothing and lip gloss.

The festival was terrific despite the glitches inherent in the maiden voyage of any endeavor, in this case over enrolled workshops and one famous author who should have been reeled in and told there are more nouns, verbs and adjectives than fuck, fuck and fuck.  I don’t know whether her appearance at our festival demonstrated the real persona of Julie/Julia author Julie Powell, but after listening to her for far longer than was humanly necessary I will forever think of her as Boring/Boringer.

The best part was hearing everyone’s story and the way they chose to tell it.  The theme of the festival was Memoir, a writing form the reading public has embraced since the advent of reality television and the human devastation of 9/11.  For whatever reason, people are interested, even fascinated, by the lives of others, and those others don’t even have to be celebrities or circus performers.  Although now that I’ve said that, one of my favorite readings was by a young woman with a Sarah Silverman thing going on who wrote a vibrant lust scene between a carnival worker and a society girl trying to find herself on the carny circuit.  It almost made me want to go out and hug someone sweaty.

Over the course of the weekend, I met a woman from Chicago who is writing a memoir/cookbook as a tribute to her mother; a Michigan mom who plans to blog about leaving the corporate rat race to run the family farm; and a woman who looked very familiar to me who is writing the story of her dramatic weight loss.  When I told her I felt like I’d met her somewhere before she said, “Did I look like this or was I 300 pounds?”  Not a question you expect to hear.  It turns out she lives on the same street as my brother and sister-in-law so I probably really have seen her.  And I think she was thin.

The real revelation for me was that I have something in common with golfers, fantasy football leaguers, quilters, and Trekkies.  I like being with people who are passionate about my passion.  Hard to believe I didn’t already know that.

Today’s Fotos show us Signs of Woodstock

retro festival logo

retro festival logo

bearsville theatre staircase

bearsville theatre staircase

but remember to put them back on

but remember to put them back on

love the one you're with

love the one you’re with

Posted in MindFrame | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on By the time I got to Woodstock

Familiar strangers revisited

I’m sick with something miserable this week so please accept a reprint of an entry that ran in the winter of 2007.  Daughter’s pictures are new, but the entry and the memory it recalls are gently used.

Today as I was waiting for the light to change on the way out of my neighborhood there appeared in the sky in front of me a flock of geese flying in that perfect V formation with precision spacing between each bird that can only be primordially determined.  There was a Barry White song playing on the radio and just as he hit the chorus, the place where his voice does that soulful sexy throb, the entire formation dipped to the right.  It was so unexpected it made me gasp.  Boy, do I live for the unexpected.

I think the longer we’re on the planet the more we hope we still surprise people.  I love when people tell me I’m different from the way they thought I would be.  We can all be such prisoners of our preconceptions that there’s something freeing about discovering we’re not at all the way someone first imagined us.  At one of my high school reunions a woman walked by me who I recognized right away and greeted by name.  She seemed shocked that I knew her and said so.  I was shocked that she was shocked and I asked her why she reacted like that.  She said, “You were one of the smart kids.  You were a class officer.  You always sat in the front row and raised your hand with the answer.  I didn’t think you noticed any of the people who sat in the back of the room.”  I was stunned.  When I told her I was just passing time answering questions waiting for the bell to ring so I could go smoke in the girls’ room it was her turn to be stunned.  Someone else that night remembered me as being athletic because I spent an entire semester senior year running the track at lunchtime.  Yeah, that would be because I had cut gym since 10th grade and couldn’t graduate unless I made up the time.  My best friend would meet me behind the scoreboard with a pack of Newports.  Then I’d begin my pole-vaulting practice.  Remember?

Generally, people seem to perceive me as classy but that’s only because they haven’t seen me eating cold Chinese food over the sink in my underwear.  The first time I can recall coming up against someone’s perception of me was in the sixth grade.  My family had just moved from the Brooklyn housing projects to Westchester County and it was the beginning of the school year with me being the new kid.  We were standing on the playground at recess and one of the girls was saying she knew a boy who said he did something but she didn’t think most of the other kids would know what it meant.  Everyone was pleading with her to say what it was but she wouldn’t divulge it.  She said it was too advanced.  Then her eyes came to rest on me and she said, “You’re from the city.  I bet you know.”  She came close and cupped her hands on either side of her mouth so no one could see her lips move.  Then she pressed them against my ear and said, “Fuck.”

What?  Why is she telling me this?  Because I’m from Brooklyn?  Is that where people fuck?  Or that the people there so relentlessly talk about fucking that I couldn’t help but overhear?  And more importantly, am I absolutely certain of my facts?  Is it really what I think it is?  Could I be misinformed?  And what’s with all these other kids?  Are they Mormons?  WHERE AM I?

Pretty much Hooterville as it turned out, a town with an annual Grange Fair where you could see a sheep shearing demonstration.  Or sit on the roof of the junior high school and watch the Fireman’s Carnival Fourth of July display.  A town with one movie theater that changed features once a week where your high school quarterback was the usher.  One day in my junior year I went on some errands in town and noticed the movie marquee announcing “Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” was showing and I figured it sounded like fun.  I went in and saw it and loved it so much that after it was over I decided to stay and see it again if only for the Oompa Loompas.  The lights went up and when the quarterback started checking the rows for debris he saw me sitting on the aisle.  He greeted me and we chatted for a while about how cool the movie was and I said I was seeing it again.  He looked around and asked, “Who are you here with?”  I said nobody.  He persisted.  “No, I mean are you with your niece or something or you’re babysitting?”  I assured him I was alone.  “And you’re seeing it again?” he asked.  When I responded yes he leaned in closer so no one in the empty theater could overhear.  And in a whisper reminiscent of my sixth grade playground days he said, “Are you stoned?”

I couldn’t believe he asked me that.  Everyone knows I’m an athlete.

Daughter’s Fotos take a tour of our Collective Imagination

hide and seek

hide and seek

bleeding colors

bleeding colors

attack

attack

son of man

son of man

Posted in Brooklyn is calling | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Familiar strangers revisited