You can almost see Russia

Husband and I are on vacation at the moment, and since we try and visit a different section of the country or the world whenever we can, this time we decided to hit the Pacific Northwest.  It’s an area that’s always held a certain allure, and vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin recently made her famous remark about Alaska’s proximity to the former Soviet Union providing her with foreign policy experience so it seemed a timely visit all around.

Making vacation plans is something Husband loves to do, and I’m happy to go along with his arrangements since he knows what pleases us both.  Sometimes I don’t even have the full itinerary until we leave because I’m buried in final exams up to the moment we depart.  For this trip, he booked us on a flight to Chicago and then an Amtrak train to Seattle traversing the northern states over the span of two days.  It promised to be an adventure.

The two days in Chicago had us enjoying a theatre performance of Jersey Boys which I had been wanting to see.  In case you’ve been in a coma since 2006, Jersey Boys is the story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons and it’s unforgettable and thrilling, especially if you happened to live through their music when it was actually exploding.

After the matinee, we had dinner at a lovely downtown café and as we were leaving, a local news affiliate was setting up for their man-on-the-street segment to provide public reflection on the passing that day of screen legend Paul Newman.  They approached us and Husband spoke eloquently about the actor’s career, marriage and public philanthropy, while I gushed about his blue eyes.

The station obviously identified my blathering as the babble it was since they only aired Husband’s comments on the news that evening with me looking at him adoringly.  Husband was very pleased.  The morning after the broadcast, he brought coffee back to our room and I asked if anyone recognized him at Starbucks.  He assured me he refused to give autographs.

The train trek to Seattle was way more rustic than we had anticipated, even with the deluxe sleeper car accommodations Husband arranged.  We were thinking Silver Streak or Murder on the Orient Express.  In actuality, it was a 46-hour train ride in a room the size of an aborted thought.  When I heard we’d have our own shower, I foolishly began thinking romance.  There is very little romantic about spraying yourself with a handheld shower nozzle while sitting on a toilet seat.

But it was dinner that first night on the train that provided the watershed moment for all vacation memories to come.  As we chatted amiably with the two women from Oregon with whom we were seated, the waiter approached our table with a tray filled with their signature steak and mashed potato dinners.  For whatever reason, be it train movement or alignment of the stars, at the very moment he reached our table, the tray tilted and its entire contents spilled over me.

Pepper-crusted steaks rained onto and then slid down my dry clean only black jacket while gravy dribbled into my pockets.  No one else was touched.  Not so much as a carrot hit Husband or the Oregon ladies.  It almost defied the laws of probability.  The waiter kept repeating over and over that this was the first time in 25 years this had ever happened.  Other servers appeared next to him echoing the same assertion.  Then Husband’s resonant voice intoned, “I’m sure you have an exemplary record of service.  Now would you please GET THE MASHED POTATOES OFF MY WIFE.”

The next morning at breakfast, several passengers asked if I wanted them to stand guard at our table as the French toast was being delivered.  We told them we had it covered.  Then in the observation car later on, I walked past a couple and distinctly overheard them whisper, “That’s the mashed potato woman.”  Fame can be hard to handle but Husband says I wear it well.

Daughter’s Featured Fotos take us back to the Magic of chashama Art Studio

q-tips and forks unite

q-tips and forks unite

splat

splat

am i going in the right direction?

am i going in the right direction?

JEM!!

JEM!!

Note:  Other works from chashama, such as the leadoff picture in Fourth and Goal, were not credited at the time of entry.  With my apology to the artists, full credit for all images can be found at Daughter’s FotoSite on the sidebar panel.

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Under Budget and Out of This World

Husband and I make regular pilgrimages down to south Florida to look in on his aging parents, a situation I wrote about before in Snippets.  Visiting my elderly in-laws is not just about familial affection and supporting my spouse; it’s also a clandestine opportunity to indulge my consignment shop passion.  Husband’s folks live in Delray, which is right next to Boca Raton, a town with a high proportion of tastefully god-awful rich women who toss off their last season designer togs while it’s still last season.

On a recent Florida visit, I spotted a pair of shoes in my favorite secondhand store.  They were flawlessly perfect, black suede lug sole loafers in exactly my size sporting classy silver hardware across the tongue.  I brought them to the proprietor, an older British woman who owns the shop with her proudly gay son for whom the store is named, let’s call it Reggie’s Consignments.

I asked Reggie’s Mum what the story was with these silver hardware loafers and she explained that the metal was intended to look like a horse bit.  “They’re Gucci, luv.  I have a regular lady who gives me exquisite things.  Seems she had these delivered to her home and by the time she got around to unwrapping them, she noticed they were the wrong size.  Instead of sending them back to Gucci, she just gave them to me with her season’s discards and said to get what I could.”

Now who exactly doesn’t return a pair of $400 shoes to Gucci?  I had this mental picture of a pampered woman in a silk dressing gown bathing her toy poodle in champagne.  I know, I have a childish mentality when it comes to imagining how the uber rich spend their days, and I must add that I myself have more shoes than might be considered normal, but this Gucci tale just went beyond.  The price tag read $150 and Reggie’s Mum said everything was half off that weekend so would I be willing to go $75?

The shoes were to die for and they felt like creamy butterscotch-leather-lined limos for my feet so I offered her $50.  I figured that would at least cover the bubbly for Muffy’s next bath.  Reggie’s Mum thought so too.  Sold.

Spiriting them out of the store, I realized that Husband and Daughter would appreciate my score, but the one who would really feel me on this was Son.  Son was the person who set his alarm as a teenager to be first in line at Foot Locker when the new Air Jordans hit the shelves.

I walked the Gucci’s silently into my next sushi dinner with Son and sat down across from him in the booth.  Twisting my body like a pretzel, I stuck my right foot into the aisle where he could see it.

OSV:  Black suede, Gucci horse bit lug sole loafers.  Like new from Reggie’s Consignments, $50.

Son turned sideways and placed his left foot in the aisle next to mine.

SON:  Black leather, lace-up Coach half boots.  Brand new from Century 21, $79.

OSV:  Sharp.  But we’re talking Gucci here.

SON: Gucci beats Coach?

OSV:  Any day.

SON:  Then I guess dinner’s on you.

Daughter’s Featured Fotos demonstrate Basic Point and Shoot

inside the doors of construction

inside the doors of construction

x marks another spot

x marks another spot

perspective

perspective

wheels

wheels

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You want a bag for that?

Over the weekend, I ran out to the supermarket to stock up on assorted necessities like Vitamin Water and Oreos.  Husband and I have reached the stage in life where we take various medications and supplements we never imagined we’d be taking, and we like some garbage snacks to wash them down.

We’re also starting to avoid dinner companions who babble on about their surgeries and afflictions.  I really have no problem with the concept of the Golden Years as long as I don’t become one of the Golden Girls.  To that end, I’m halfway through schooling to begin a new career, and after that my plan is to ride off into the sunset on the back of Husband’s motorcycle humming Me and Bobby McGee while the kids rifle our belongings for bank statements.

At the supermarket, I hit the 15 item express lane and piled my goodies on the belt.  It was quickly apparent that the young checkout guy was no speed demon as he s-l-o-w-l-y rotated each item under the scanner to find the barcode.  I watched him move the jar of Jif back and forth like it was getting an MRI.  The guy behind me rolled his eyes and shifted his weight in dread of what was to come.

To move things along and keep the line friendly, I started packing my order, which I usually do anyway.  I asked the cashier to turn the belt on so the items would reach me at the end of the counter.  It took more than one “Huh?” on his part but we did achieve motion.  As I was packing, and he was performing his CAT scan on my produce, another cashier passed by and Johnny Rocket stopped what he was doing and said to him, “This day is so frigging long.  It feels like I’ll never get out of here.”

I could tell the customer behind me was thisclose to expressing the same sentiment, and in fact he kept looking out the front window to where he had left his car running or his friends waiting or his wife in labor.  Hopefully it wasn’t the latter because the way time was standing still in the express lane, he’d be lucky to be out for the christening.

The Rocketman finally scanned my last item which was a rotisserie chicken.  People have passed kidney stones faster than he moved that chicken.  As I pulled the payment from my wallet, he stood motionless, slumped against the counter with the chicken between us.  Every other item was packed and sitting in my cart.  We just looked at each other until I said, “May I have a bag for the chicken please?”

“Sure,” he said laconically, and tossed a bag on the counter.  I always wrestle with the fear I may overreact in situations like this, but before I could consider my options, my mouth opened and out came, “PUT THE CHICKEN IN THE BAG,” and the Rocket leapt to action out of total surprise.  I gave him the money and exited the store.

As Husband helped me unpack the groceries at home, I recounted my adventure for him and he looked around quizzically.  Was the chicken still in the car?  I ran out and popped open the trunk.  My mistake.  I forgot to add, “GIVE ME THE CHICKEN.”

Daughter’s Featured Fotos ask the question How Deep is the Water Downtown?

attention swimmers of west broadway

attention swimmers of west broadway

are you wearing your swimmies?

are you wearing your swimmies?

dude! what is this thing doing here?

dude! what is this thing doing here?

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The Parking Gene

Growing up in Brooklyn and then the New York suburbs, my father always impressed upon my brother and me that there were certain things you needed to learn when you were young that would stand you in good stead for the rest of your life.  The first was a skill to fall back on so you could always earn money anywhere you were living.  Regardless of how far your education took you, if you knew how to sell, type or wait tables you could always support yourself should the need arise.

The second thing you had to know how to do was parallel park.  Anyone could pull a car straight into a spot.  Backing in was a little trickier.  But parking parallel in a tight spot between two other cars flush against the curb was a skill that once learned was a triumph forever.  My dad always felt that having the ability to earn a living and fit in wherever you had to provided lifelong empowerment.  Damn if he wasn’t right about both.

Every Sunday morning as soon as we got our learner’s permits, my father would take my brother and me to the parking lot of a now defunct Target-style department store back when Sunday meant the stores were closed and not having their once-in-a-lifetime sales event.  In the middle of the empty parking lot, he would arrange the shopping carts end to end in a row with a generous space in the middle to park our car.

He then taught us how to position ourselves next to the car in front of the spot and when to cut the wheel and then when to straighten it out.  Once we could do all that fluidly, he’d reposition the shopping carts closer together so the spot was smaller.  We did that until we could put his Oldsmobile into a spot from either side with no room to spare.  And when the time came, I put my teenage kids through a similar drill.

During my adult life, I have gone years living in places where parallel parking was unnecessary so the skill lay dormant.  Nevertheless, when the need presented itself, I have managed to impress my riders by parallel parking within an inch of my life.  After one such experience, a good friend suggested that my epitaph could read:

Here lies OSV
Beloved Wife and Mother
She could park a Hummer in a shoe box

In my recent visit to my uncle’s nursing home, I drove past a late-model luxury car in which two much older ladies were frustrated in their attempts to park in a prime spot opposite the entrance.  I knew if they couldn’t get their car in, they’d have to park way on the other side and have a long walk around to the front.  So I put my hazard lights on and pulled over and motioned politely for them to come out of the car.  I figured a middle-aged woman wearing an outfit from Chico’s wouldn’t alarm them.

I offered to park their car and they were so excited.  They gathered up their sweaters and canes and hurried to the front of the building where I told them to wait.  With them and various onlookers watching, I landed that bad boy in one move and crossed the street with their keys to the sound of applause.  They hugged me and said I made their day.  The karma of good parking cannot be overrated.

Daughter snapped these shots in an NYC restaurant where a Pre-Halloween Episode broke out

arriving like bats out of hell

arriving like bats out of hell

some heavy metal with your entree?

some heavy metal with your entree?

the audience rocks out too

the audience rocks out too

taxi!

taxi!

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It’s All Good

This past Friday I was off school so I went to visit my uncle at his nursing home.  I am the only one who goes to see him since he has no children and his former wife lives too far away to travel on her broom.  I wrote about my uncle and ex-aunt before in This Call May Be Used For Training Purposes, a story that would be much more amusing if it involved a family other than my own.

According to anecdotes told throughout my childhood by my late father, this uncle who has outlived the rest of his family was once a very bright, conversational fellow.  Of the three brothers born to my grandparents during the Depression, he was the one to graduate an elite high school with a promising future.  But World War II changed everything.  Suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder long before it had a name, my uncle was never the same after serving overseas.

Now in his mid-eighties and still noticeably depressed, his lifelong mild good nature along with his gender make him a hot commodity in the exceptional health care residence he is fortunate enough to call home.  The place is filled with women.  It’s bright and airy.  The staff is upbeat and attentive.  And like Norm in Cheers, everybody knows his name.  But it would be too much to expect him to see any of these things as positives.

On this visit, I found him in the library facing the giant fish tank.  Two other residents were watching the flat screen TV but my uncle was on fish patrol.  I sneaked up and kissed his cheek and he smiled.  Then I pointed at the fish staring back at him.

OSV:  Do you think anyone would know if a fish was bored?

He looked at me without expression.

UNCLE:  I know.

I asked if he was receiving all the magazines I order for him at his request – Discover, National Geographic, Smithsonian.  He said yes, then waited a bit and said he wasn’t sure, maybe not.  I went with the yes.  I knew there would be plenty more no’s coming.

How was he feeling?  Not good.  Nothing specific, but not good.  And the food was terrible.  The staff wasn’t so nice.  There was nothing to do.  I asked what he would like to do.  He said the magazines were fine but if only there were books he could read.

Did I mention we were in the library?  Four walls and three of them lined with books, floor to ceiling.  One entire wall devoted to large-print editions in every subject imaginable.  I waved my arms to encompass the room.

OSV:  I take it then that you’re finished reading all of these?

UNCLE:  None of them interest me.

OSV:  What interests you?  Tell me and I’ll bring you books.

UNCLE:  Algebra.

OSV:  Okay.  Do you want algebra workbooks or theory?

UNCLE:  Well, maybe science.

OSV:  Astronomy?  Biology?  What field of science?

UNCLE:  New discoveries.

OSV:  Like in Discover magazine?

UNCLE:  Yeah.  But a book.  There’s no books here like that.

I looked at him from inside this sad game I always manage to get pulled into.

OSV:  You just like to complain, don’t you?

UNCLE:  (grinning)  You know me so well.

I guess that’s something.

Daughter’s Featured Fotos point out Local Discoveries

featherphiles

featherphiles

disconnect

disconnect

men working

men working

another one going up

another one going up

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Bring Back the Bots

The good people who act as my blog host are always hunting for new ways to improve the features offered to their customers.  You may think that posting entries is all a blogger does but you would be mistaken.  A portion of this blogger’s time is spent figuring out the new features.

I’m a Taurus.  People born under this sign are dependable, honest and loyal.  The lucky ones look like George Clooney and Uma Thurman.  The ones who are mired deep in Taurus, like me, tend to resist change.  This can be maddening to those close to us who consider this behavior reactionary.  I prefer to think of it as being steadfastly loyal to the way things are.  The way I’m used to them.

Aside from the profit aspect, writing a blog is similar to owning your own business in that there are many different reports available to tell you who your customers are and how often they buy from you.  In business these tools might be called sales reports.  In blogging they’re known as statistics.  Statistics show how many hits the blog gets daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, even hourly.  In case you have no other events happening in your life, you can still see how many looks you got in the last 45 minutes.  This can come to be a comfort on a bad day.

There are also things called web crawlers or robots; bots for short.  Web bots are software agents used by search engines for spidering or gathering up-to-date data to be indexed for reference on the Internet.  Bots are good for a blog because they increase the odds the blog will be located in a search.  They’re bad because they count as hits even though they’re not human and can’t read.  I don’t really care if they’re not real and don’t comment.  A hit is a hit.

The newest feature unveiled by my blog host is a revision of their statistic gathering to represent authentic human visits.  Bot traffic has been eliminated from the tally.  This means that two thirds of my daily hits have disappeared.  My host has written enthusiastically about this change and how valuable it is because it’s so accurate.  I’m thinking that if I were born with three legs but only one of them worked, I’d still like to keep the other two.  They’re mine.

Looking at my statistics is not so fun anymore.  As the Wonderbra has proved, there is much to be said for illusion.  Eventually I’ll adjust, but it would be helpful if you’d tell other humans you know about this blog so I can get some more authentic hits and spend less time obsessing over my phantom legs.  As for the bots, they’re still there only now I don’t see them.  I like to think they’re waiting for the movie.

Easy to Describe describes Daughter’s Featured Fotos

big ass dog

big ass dog

contorted

contorted

through and through

through and through

hot shoes

hot shoes

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Innocence Lost

There is not a single time I approach the New York City skyline from across the water that I don’t scan the horizon for the Twin Towers.  I know they’re gone.  In aesthetic appeal, I never preferred them over the grandeur of the Empire State or that siren of architectural inspiration, the Chrysler Building.  But the look of them grew on me in the decades after they were built and I always respected their presence.  More than that, they belonged.  Seven years later, I can no longer instantly locate the exact spot they stood in the distance, and the wrong of their absence still hangs on the skyline.

This year, the pizza lunch sponsored by my school’s administration fell on 9/11.  It was one of those ‘it has to be that day or we can’t get it in before finals’ things and at least one student that I know of boycotted the lunch considering it disrespectful.  She brought her protest to Blondie and I as heads of the student council.  We told her she should do as her heart guided her, but we would not be involving ourselves or the council.  There is no right or wrong when feelings run so raw.

At the start of the luncheon, the librarian of our school stood at the front of the room and spoke with emotion.  He had been a priest in his homeland, a country that no longer exists outside his childhood memories.  He spent part of his adult years as a political prisoner.  I cannot imagine what he endured.  I wouldn’t want to make him say.  He looked out over the quiet room of staff and students and said, “I live in America.”  Then gesturing with his arms open, he said simply, “I have freedom.”

His words gave me a rush of chill and then warmth.  It was a feeling I remembered from six years ago when Husband and I visited Daughter while she was studying abroad in Italy.  Her group was the first one sent overseas by her university after 9/11, and every fearful instinct I had in January 2002 when she departed was beaten down by her assertion that if we don’t go then the terrorists have won.  If it were all only that simple.

Husband and I visited her in Perugia in March of 2002.  We spent our days exploring the winding cobblestone alleys and Etruscan arches, wandering into picturesque shops that offered artisan jewelry and pottery and impeccable Italian fashion.  During the evening promenade of social activity along the Corso Vanucci, the horror of what had happened so recently in our city seemed far away in distance and reality.

One afternoon, while Husband sipped espresso at an outdoor café, I walked into a leather goods store to look at purses.  The young saleswoman who approached me responded that she spoke English when I greeted her in my imitation Italian.  I asked her how she knew I was American.  “You have a way,” she said, making it sound like a compliment.  She had a beautiful smile and an accent I couldn’t identify.  She asked where I lived and I told her New York.  She placed her hand on mine resting on the counter between us.  “I am so sorry for what happened in your city.  I am so sorry.”  Her eyes welled up.

I thanked her for her expression of sympathy and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.  “I can’t place your accent,” I said.  “Where are you from?”  “Sarajevo,” she said quietly.  And then my eyes filled up as well.

One Word is enough for Daughter’s Featured Fotos

color

color

flapping

flapping

fallen

fallen

doll

doll

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Water Water Everywhere

This past weekend the East Coast revved up for Hurricane Hanna, and for days we listened to reports about New Orleans being evacuated with a don’t-even-think-you’re-staying-here directive.  On Saturday we had heavy rains and then some wild nighttime wind, but for the most part our region of New York was spared any flooding.

Saturday’s mail, however, brought us all the water we could dream of with the delivery of a bill from the Department of Environmental Protection for water and sewer services in the amount of $13,902.50.  I had never received a single piece of mail from the DEP so this was quite unexpected considering our local water bill is routinely under $100.  Perplexed, I showed it to Husband and asked if he was doing some secret laundry I didn’t know about.

He pointed to an address on the bottom of the notice indicating the property location was in Manhattan.  He then reminded me that he didn’t do laundry in our house so why would he drive downtown to do it.  He had a point.

Since the notice had a Saturday customer service telephone number, I rang up the DEP and was connected to an Asian woman with a very heavy accent and halting English.  I gave her the identification number at the top of the bill and told her I didn’t own the property.

DEP REP:  Why you get bill then?

OSV:  I have no idea.  That’s why I’m calling you.

DEP REP:  You think bill too much?  What was last bill?

OSV:  The last bill probably went to the person who owns the building.  How did you get my name?

While I was on hold, I studied the bill and saw that the DEP customer service center was in a section of Queens with a large Asian population.  I told Husband that would explain the broken English.  He looked at me like I was very naïve.  Husband is convinced that all customer service in the United States is outsourced but the companies don’t want us to know that.  I could tell he thought it was very clever of the DEP to train their reps in Calcutta to speak with an Asian accent.

While I was being connected to a supervisor, I noticed that my name and address was on a sticker affixed to the address box.  I carefully peeled it back revealing the imprinted name and address underneath, no doubt the guy who really owed them the money.

SUPERVISOR:  Is this the caller who received the $13,000 bill in error?

OSV:  Yes, that’s me.

SUPERVISOR:  Have you paid this bill yet?

OSV:  Are you kidding?  Did I write a check for $13,000 for service to a property I don’t own?  Is that what you’re asking me?

SUPERVISOR:  What is your bill normally?

OSV:  I normally don’t have a bill.  At all.  Where did you get my name?

SUPERVISOR:  It’s a mistake by the finance department.  It’s part of a project we were doing.

OSV:  What kind of project would that be?  Sending out astronomical bills to strangers to see if they’ll pay?  Has this project been successful aside from me?

SUPERVISOR:  It was a project.  Send us the bill with a letter explaining why it isn’t yours.  We’ll get back to you if there’s a problem.

Oh, all right, if you put it that way.  I mean what kind of problem could there possibly be?

Daughter’s Featured Fotos were taken at other Manhattan locations I don’t own.

like the sign says

like the sign says

from all directions

from all directions

learn

learn

ufo's in chinatown?

ufo’s in chinatown?

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Spatial Relations

In The City that never sleeps and the Girl who watches it, I wrote about Daughter’s studio apartment downtown and the giant building being constructed in her face.  That was a year ago.  Now the massive structure has been completed and is revealed to be a residence for students of one of the city’s institutions of higher learning.  In the end, for all its high tech glossiness and fabulous location, it’s a dorm.

Daughter’s building is bugging.  To longtime residents entrenched in the neighborhood, the idea of living next to a thousand college kids is appalling.  There has been much discussion at building co-op meetings about this new situation over a year in the brewing.  How will the neighborhood be affected?  Will more food markets be built to accommodate this permanent wave of transient residents?  Are bars and clubs going to spring up to provide the usual recreation activities for university-age people?  Mostly, WHO DO WE COMPLAIN TO?

The person not complaining is Daughter, herself five years out of college.  “Man, does this bring me back,” she reflected, smiling.  “All the crazy stuff going on in those rooms, the kids walking in and out all the time.  The vogueing in front of the mirrors, the unmade beds for weeks on end, piles of clothes on the floors. . .”  Her voice trailed off in cosmic reverie.

I asked her how she knows all this is happening inside the building and she laughed.  “Mom,” she said patiently, “the last thing a college kid buys is curtains.  It’s not even a cell-sized thought in their heads.  That building is a fishbowl.”  On the other hand, she was inspired to purchase better coverings for her own windows so the student neighbors couldn’t look in to see what life is like five years out.  Of the two sides of the glass, I’m not sure who would be getting the bigger education and I don’t want to know.

The subject of living arrangements came up again at our weekly dinner out with Son.  While eating sushi with Husband and I, Son revealed that things had changed at the house he’s been renting for the past year with two co-worker friends.

SON:  One of my housemates left to take over his sister’s apartment after she moved out, and the other one wants to live with his girlfriend so we’re not renewing our lease on the house.  It’s up next month.

OSV:  What will you be doing?

SON:  I’m coming home.

OSV:

SON:  Did your heart just stop?  You should see your face, Mom.  I’m kidding.  I found an apartment.  Breathe, okay?  Take a deep breath.

Husband stroked my cheek until the color returned.  Then I gulped the rest of the antioxidant green tea from the mug in front of me.  I’m getting too old for these shocks to the system.

Street Art Around Town comes to us via Daughter’s Featured Fotos

the message

the message

x marks the spot

x marks the spot

warning

warning

no parking mural in dumbo

no parking mural in dumbo

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Collateral Damage Control

Elections in our country are notable for having the air of a circus about them, what with ad campaigns aimed at slurring an opponent‘s character or experience and other amateur tactics of persuasion.  This year’s presidential election, however, has ratcheted up the action with some real thought out strategies and players giving voters the opportunity to observe a circus of acrobats this time instead of clowns.

The day after Obama’s front-page headline in the sun at the Democratic convention, the first pages of every newspaper featured McCain’s choice for vice president.  Along with the rest of the nation, I eagerly took in what was presented about Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska, mother of five, businesswoman, ex-beauty queen athlete, self-described hockey mom with a seemingly unblemished past.  Considering McCain is the Republican a Democrat could almost love, the choice of Palin, a charismatic woman in a Hillary pantsuit, was inspired.  The playing field was leveled in a heartbeat now that history will be made with either victory.

Still, Palin could never have my vote in spite of her gender appeal.  It is beyond reason for me how a person can be vehemently against abortion and then a proponent of hunting.  Is not the movement called Pro-life?  Don’t all living creatures qualify?  What a coup that was, by the way, latching onto that label.  As far as brands go, how much easier is it to sell Pro-life than Anti-choice?

Selling the brand is what it’s all about, and not just in business and politics.  When my kids were in elementary school, I attended a meeting of parents and administrators to discuss the standardized tests our children would be taking.  The one most mentioned was the EPSF.  After hearing it bandied about for twenty minutes, I raised my hand and asked the school principal what EPSF stood for.

PRINCIPAL:  The EPSF’s are critical for placement and planning.

OSV:  I hear that, but what does EPSF mean?

PRINCIPAL:  Early Predictor of School Failure.

I was stunned.  No one else in the room seemed fazed.  It struck me as being the equivalent of intending to name your child Blossom and then deciding on Weed.

OSV:  How much would it cost to change the last initial from F to S?

PRINCIPAL:  (confused)  I don’t know what you mean.

OSV:  I mean EPSS.  Would it be possible to call it the Early Predictor of School Success?  Doesn’t it seem like ‘failure’ is a word that shouldn’t be in the name of a test?

The principal looked at me like I just farted.  I was glad to have gotten it out even though it fell on deaf ears.  That was their choice.  My choice is to vote for the right to have one every chance I get.

Daughter’s Featured Fotos take us Back & Forth

lights and darks in costa rica

lights and darks in costa rica

reflection in a horse's eye (courtesy of ari)

reflection in a horse’s eye (courtesy of ari)

like monkeys

like monkeys

collateral 4 always_push_play

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