I have this eBay thing going, I’m not sure if you’d call it an affection or an addiction, but I suppose the sheer fact that I can’t tell which one it is puts it over the line. Up until my virgin Buy It Now purchase in Take Me Away, eBay, I was totally intimidated by the whole concept of bidding online for an item owned by a stranger based solely on photos and how much other buyers seemed to want it.
Now, of course, I have discovered after several blood-pounding auction wins that shopping any other way lacks excitement. Anyone can walk into Bloomingdale’s and overpay for jewelry every woman on the street is wearing. In order to overpay for obscure items that may or may not be authentic or valuable, you have to cross over into the guerrilla-shopping zone.
Here’s how you do it: First, you pick a moniker for yourself, an anonymous eBay identity under which to bid for your treasures. Privacy is paramount and in high-price auctions (which I only watch, honey, I swear) even these names are disguised with a series of **** in the middle. People’s eBay names are everything from inscrutable to playful. An arch nemesis of mine who keeps showing up at many of the same auctions calls herself spendinghimbroke. Obviously a shameful gold-digger with impeccable taste.
Next, you have to decide on an area of focus. For me, it’s vintage jewelry of unknown value determined only by how much I want it. I have a small collection of forget-me-not bracelets, also called sweetheart bracelets, which date from 1910 to the 1940s and consist of silver links engraved with the names of the owner’s loved ones. They were popular through both World Wars when women would have them engraved with the names of servicemen they knew as well as girlfriends and family members. They are unbelievably cool.
I usually find them at flea markets or antique shops and they’ve run me about $40-$60 each. I have four of them, all different styles and names, and I wear them often but I hadn’t seen any around in years until one night on eBay.
It was in perfect condition and gold-filled which sent me into orbit because I had never seen one before that wasn’t silver. There were already three bidders and I really wanted it. The end time for the auction was right in the middle of Project Runway which Husband and I always watch together and really get into. I propped myself up in our bed with my laptop resting on my knees. He looked at me.
HUSBAND: Are you going to blog during Project Runway? This is a big elimination tonight. The three winners go on to Fashion Week.
OSV: I know. I would never blog at a time like this.
HUSBAND: It’s an auction, isn’t it?
Before I could answer I looked down to see that bitch spendinghimbroke place the next bid. How could she possibly have found this auction? Why is she always where I am? Doesn’t she have a life?
I sat back and watched Heidi Klum critique the designers while the final moments of the auction approached. I hadn’t placed a bid yet. I’m a sniper. I wait until the auction is almost over and then I swoop in at the closing second with a bid I hope will be the highest and blow the opposition out of the water. spendinghimbroke has outsniped me in the past but she tipped her hand this time with that early bid. Now that I knew she was there I could form my strategy.
HUSBAND: Is it over yet?
OSV: Almost.
I had my final amount entered and my finger poised over Click to Confirm Bid as the seconds ticked down.
Heidi delivered her last auf wiedersein as the clock zeroed out. I closed my eyes and clicked.
Got it.
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Hello, my name is OneSaneVoice and I’m an eBayoholic.
Hi, OneSaneVoice. Keep coming back.