Husband and I attended a Russian Jewish wedding in Brooklyn over the weekend and it was more like being at a show than a catered affair. The entertainment was in Russian, most of the guests were Russian, and of course, the gorgeous young couple was Russian. The evening brought us back to the vacation I told you about in Talk Amongst Yourselves where we were in the English-speaking minority on a European cruise ship.
We could figure a lot of it out, though, because we’re Jewish. The ceremony was very traditional, albeit in Russian, and we danced the hora as always. The fathers of the bride and groom cut the challah and chanted the prayer. The newlyweds were hoisted on chairs and paraded around the dance floor amid joyous song and dance. And the endless selection of food featured an astoundingly delicious array of shellfish.
Shellfish is a Bozo No-No in Judaism. Jews the world over have lived long lives and died peaceful deaths without ever tasting a soft shell crab and I feel sorry for every one of them in a very respectful way. Soft shell crabs are maybe the best tasting thing on the planet and the fact that they’re prohibited by religious law is yet another signpost of suffering my people have carried since time began.
I mentioned to Husband that it was remarkable to see oysters and mussels at a Jewish wedding and he responded that the only remarkable thing was that the people in the room had survived being Jews in Russia. I found the cleavage remarkable as well. I think the system of measurement is totally different over there. I don’t even believe we have those sizes here. I’ve never seen them before. And definitely not encased in embroidery of that magnitude. It was majestic.
Another great moment was during the ceremony when the little flower girl appeared looking like a tiny Baltic princess. With blonde tendrils of hair cascading across her face, she began solemnly walking down the aisle holding the basket of flower petals in her arms. Then pausing gracefully, she reached into the basket, cupped a handful of petals, and pelted them at the guests.
She walked a few more steps and then let another load fly. One woman caught one in the eye. They were sticking out of people’s hair. By the time she reached the end of the aisle, guests were diving out of her way. I’m thinking perhaps the instructions she was given didn’t translate completely, like maybe the word ‘scatter’ in English becomes ‘assault’ in Russian. Anyway, it was hilarious.
Also amusing were some of the little touches, like the bride and groom didn’t share a first dance; they performed a dance number. It segued from a Fred and Ginger thing into a JLo/Mark Anthony booty shake. And the wedding cake topper was a new one for me. My cell phone photo didn’t do it justice so I went online and found something similar. Take away the trees and put the groom’s hands on the bride’s butt and it’s closer to the Russian one. Also the bride figure seemed to be trying to cross her legs behind the groom while straddling him. Ah, romance.
