Melodious Talk

I’m studying American Literature in my last semester of college, and right now I’m in the middle of writing a paper about Kate Chopin, an unsung literary pioneer of the late 19th century.  Her first (and only published) novel so inflamed the social order that her publisher reneged on his agreement to accept more of her work.  What did she write about that was so revolutionary, you ask?  Feminism.  She dared to explore infidelity, sexual longing, and budding individualism in a gender that society demanded be married before age twenty and procreate as a main occupation.  Although highly readable and immensely popular among those with a larger world view, the powers that be found her work blasphemous and her outlook detrimental to the societal conscience.  Added to all that, for a white woman to write about blacks in a way that depicted them as human beings with richly textured lives and loves was beyond the pale.  In a different place and time, she might have been burned at the stake.

Reading about Kate Chopin, Edith Wharton, and other writers of the era made me long for some of the social interaction that filled their lives.  Without television, cell phones, the Internet, and everything else technology has enriched our lives with, Americans at the turn of the century had only themselves, the newspaper, and each other to count on for information and entertainment.  A financially comfortable person of that time would hold gatherings at home known as ‘salons’ wherein friends and notable visitors to their city would drop by and discuss . . . thoughts.  Wow, what a concept.  No baseball game on in the background, no barbecuing of animal parts while guzzling brewskis, no youngsters whining with boredom; just adults sipping brandy and sharing viewpoints about matters of the day.  To you this salon thing might sound dull, but I for one would love to be somewhere, sometime, where no one is saying the words Dancing With The Stars.  If I could also be certain I wouldn’t see a butt crack tattoo or listen to someone shout “Can you hear me?” into a piece of plastic, it might even be worth having to wear a corset.

I mentioned this to Husband and his response was, “So have a salon.  Host an open house for everyone we know to share their opinions and ideas.”  To do it right, of course, I’d have to hand deliver tasteful engraved cards that read, You are invited to an evening of lively conversation and conviviality, accompanied by subtle music, tasty morsels, and uplifting libation.  Jeans, children, and pets to be left in the care of others.  On my list of invitees, I would include Son and his breezy banter, and Daughter with her edgy urban artist friends.  I would forbid anyone to use the word ‘ridonculous’ to describe anything, but I would secretly laugh if they did.

I asked Husband what he would talk about at my salon.  He said the growing economic power of the BRIC – Brazil, Russia, India and China.  I told him I would be steering things more toward education and fashion, but maybe he could have a sub-salon of his own on global finance, as long as it didn’t push things away from elegant hors d’oeuvres toward buffalo wings.  He said he’d be wearing a vest, so I guess it’d be okay.

Daughter’s Fotos peek in at Comic Con 2010 at New York’s Javitz Center

melodious 1 comiccon2010starwars

melodious 2 comiccon2010elf

melodious 3 comiccon2010zombie

melodious 4 comiccon2010naked

melodious 5 comiccon2010bestmakeupoftheday

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The Treasure of the Severe Madre

Son met me for sushi the other night and said with great fanfare that he had good news for me.  It was about the pile of stuff he had piled in our basement in a big pile.  Both my kids claimed their own corner of the basement when they came home from college, and both corners are still filled.  I empathize with Daughter that she lives in a 500-square-foot Manhattan studio that holds no room for all her treasures and mementos.  Over the past seven years, she’s made it a point to continually mention that she’ll be listing everything on Craigslist very soon.  Roughly translated, that means the next homeowners will have to deal with it.  Whenever she visits, she travels down to the basement and removes one thing from the pile to bring home with her.  It’s always something that fits in her pocket or backpack.  At this rate, Craigslist will be CraigsGrandsonsList by the time she gets around to posting anything.

Son I feel fine about nagging since he owns a whole house all to himself.  Every time he mentions he’s knocking down a wall to enlarge something or breaking through a closet to get to the other side, I say enthusiastically, “That’s to make room for all the stuff you have in our basement, right?”  He always smiles, pats my hand or my head, and says, “Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about that.”  This has been going on for years.  And lack of result has not been for my lack of trying.  Sometimes I’ll send him an email that says, “Hi!  How are you doing?  Come get all your stuff.” or “Sorry to bother you at work, but all your stuff caught fire.  Please come get your ashes.  Love, Mom.”  Because he was raised right, he always answers immediately.  He writes, “Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about that.”  I’m left to pat my own head and keep walking past the piles.

But during sushi on Wednesday night, Son brought the subject up first, and I jumped on it like paparazzi on Brad Pitt.  “What day are you coming?” I asked excitedly.  “Sometime in 2011,” he answered.  I just looked at him.  “Are you kidding?” I demanded.  “I’ve been asking you to do this for like five years.”  He brushed my impatience aside with a blithe wave and said, “Which is why you should be glad it’ll be happening in the next 12 months.  That’s a pretty good return on your wait time, statistically speaking.  You’re coming to the end now.  Think of it as senior year.”

He then followed me home to help me reposition an air conditioner and survey our latest bout of home improvements.  While looking around, he informed me once again that the house he grew up in is still the best example of harmonious suburban construction and comfort he has seen thus far in his 26 years.  Or at least it will be once we get the kitchen redone.  If we keep putting it off, it will just be one more thing he’ll have to take care of once the stars align and he is the home’s rightful owner, with Husband and I enjoying our golden retirement elsewhere.  In those halcyon years to come that Son delights in dreaming about, I hope he sets aside a good chunk of time to move all his stuff back into the basement.  Right next to his sister’s.

Daughter’s Featured Fotos offer up Revisionist Art

s'mores cubed

s’mores cubed

thundercut magnets

thundercut magnets

building bag

building bag

treasure 4 nolongerempty

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Boomer U

Here in New York City, we have an institution known as The Learning Annex.  It was started by an enterprising guy in his studio apartment in 1980, and for those who don’t live here, studio digs in the city average in the 300-600 square foot range.  So this was certainly no small feat, or foot, as the case may be.  The Annex is now the largest adult education school in the country with events held in other states and online as well.  Over the weekend, Husband and I attended one of their most popular programs at the midtown Hilton Hotel known as One Day University.

The concept is to gather renowned and respected professors and lecturers from the top universities, and have them speak on their area of expertise to those who are already interested in the topic, as well as those who wish to find out more.  This past weekend offered talks by author Joyce Carol Oates and former governor Mario Cuomo.  Because Husband and I operate out of different cortexes of the brain, we wound up scheduling the entire day without a single class together, giving us plenty to talk about at lunch.  Husband attended lectures on economics, politics, and the Supreme Court.  I went for philosophy, psychology, and Joyce Carol Oates.

I was expecting to love the literature lecture the most, but it was the psychology one that grabbed me.  It was entitled “How Our Intuitions Deceive Us” and was given by Christopher Chabris, a Harvard educated psych professor at New York’s Union College.  Chabris and Daniel Simons co-authored The Invisible Gorilla, a book exploring our abilities and inabilities to pay attention and make judgments based on what we think we know.  The thing lecturers should take away from this entry is that audience participation cannot be overrated.

The first thing Chabris did was to call the names of ten members of the audience out of the hundreds in attendance, and announce that he was giving them individually prepared personality profiles based on the information they gave when they registered for the Learning Annex program.  They were instructed to look privately at the profile and decide how well it described them.  He said to please keep it folded and we’d get back to them later.

Then he showed us the following two-minute video of an experiment he and Simons conducted.

PLEASE WATCH VIDEO BEFORE CONTINUING

How did you do?  Personally speaking, I was a fairly textbook case in that I never saw it.  Any of it.  The gorilla, the curtain color, or the player disappearing.  I did, however, get the number of passes correct, so I was feeling all superior until it was repeated and I saw all the activity I missed.  Fascinating.  Chabris calls this The Illusion of Attention, or our inability to see unexpected events when we are concentrating on one key thing.  We may think we’re noticing everything that’s important – the façade of multitasking – but we are sorely missing the mark.  It is the reason cell phone use in cars is such a heinous safety hazard.  The concept is coined, rather brilliantly, as inattentional blindness.

Back to the individual personality profiles of the ten audience members.  All the recipients rated their profile as 75-80% accurate in describing them.  Here’s the kicker:  All the profiles were identical.  They all had statements like:  I can achieve so much more than I have; my daily life is very stressful; I want to feel more satisfied in my job and relationships.  Cynics might call this The Illusion of Individuality, but I like to think of it as The Song of Humanity.  Our struggles are universal; how we handle them is what makes us individuals.  And now that you’re done reading this, try and imagine what you missed happening around you in the meantime.

Daughter’s Featured Fotos equal Art Squared

cubed in string

cubed in string

rainbow cookie cubed

rainbow cookie cubed

frozen electric cube

frozen electric cube

synchronicity

synchronicity

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The Rain in Maine falls mainly

Husband and I are wrapping up a vacation to the seaside towns in southern Maine.  We did this before in the spring of 2009, and although we had a lovely time on that trip, we made a note to ourselves to go in another season to avoid the wet weather.  So we chose September this year to avoid the summer crowds and drizzles of May, with the result being raincoats as our main piece of outerwear.  The other repeat of our 2009 vacation is that we booked the same room in the same portside hotel now as then so we could see the ships and fog roll in while the seagulls buzzed the picture windows.  This corner suite in the Portland Hilton is WAY more pricey than our usual vacay digs, but we figured even in the rain it was a magnificent view and a romantic gift we deserved to give ourselves.

On the way to Portland this trip, we stopped off in Portsmouth, New Hampshire for a night and used Husband’s Hilton honor points for a free stay at the hotel there.  We would be staying two nights elsewhere in Portsmouth later in the week and we wanted to check out the town, in the rain of course.  Portsmouth is even more quaint and picturesque than Portland with the same amazingly gracious and delightful people.  And being sturdy Mainers, they were all clinging to summer in their sandals and cargo shorts covered by rain gear.  It was like 58 degrees.  Husband was in a sweater and fleece vest, and I bought a snuggly pullover at a Portsmouth consignment store.  Smells like teen spirit and a typical trip to New England so far.

When we checked into the Hilton in Portland, Husband asked if breakfast was included like last time and was told no; that was probably a special for that weekend.  I guess they looked at Husband’s puppy dog eyes and said oh, okay, here are free passes for breakfast.  We looked at each other like, holy shit, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel.  When we got up to our dream room, it felt damp inside so we turned on the heat.  The vents in the bedroom blew warm, but in the sitting room with all the great views, they were stone cold.  Management apologized profusely and sent up a maintenance man who gave way to a maintenance crew, all expressing sincere regret that the system was misbehaving.  The manager asked to see Husband at the front desk, and as he walked out, he said he’d try to get us comped for the $15 a day parking charge.  He came back shortly with a kind of goofy smile and I asked what was up.  He said, “They offered to move us to a different room, but I said we booked this suite months ago because we loved it so much the first time.  So they’re going to comp us.”  I asked if that would be both days’ parking charge.  He replied, “No, they’re comping us THE ROOM.  And they feel terrible.”  Which was too bad because we felt great.

The next day we drove up to Wiscassit and Boothbay Harbor for a few hours and loved both seaside villages, even more so because only forty miles north it was sunny.  When we returned to rainy Portland, management told us somberly that maintenance had still not been able to repair the sitting room heating, so the suite would be ours again at no charge the second night.  We were dumbfounded.  In New York, they’d just send up an extra blanket and some tea bags.  This Hilton suite was $400 a night times two nights, and I have to tell you that the room was perfectly livable and comfortable with the bedroom heat on and we really weren’t suffering.  In spite of that, the manager kept thanking us for our understanding and apologizing like our dog just died.

We went out to a local seafood restaurant for dinner, and when the waitress asked us how everything was, we said it was terrific except there really weren’t any clams in the clam chowder even though it was deliciously clammy tasting.  She returned with heartfelt apologies from the owner and coupons for free appetizers on our next visit.  She also informed us that, of course, there was no charge for the chowder.  How the hell does Maine stay in business?

With two days left of our New England adventure, we headed back to Portsmouth and checked into a downtown boutique inn located in a 130-year-old building that used to be a brewery.  It was suitably funky and different, and what was also different was that the sun was shining and it was suddenly 80 degrees.  Husband looked around the room, inside and out, and said, “We’re gonna pay for this, you know.”

Daughter’s Featured Fotos go around Collecting Art

heartstrings

heartstrings

waiting

waiting

yoko handshake

yoko handshake

me too

me too

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Roll Call

Back when my father ran his company out of a building down in Soho, I walked into his office one day and found him poring over the Times.  When I got close enough to see what page he was on, I asked, “Why are you reading the obituaries, Dad?”  He looked up with a wry smile and said, “I always find it reassuring when I don’t see my name.”

My father is gone six years now, and I sometimes wonder whether part of what my children will remember about me is the fixation I have that famous people who share their birthdays are somehow joined to them in relevance.  When I happen upon a listing of celebrities or historical figures with birthdays that match Son or Daughter, I always tell them about my discovery and then wonder afterward if it was such a wise thing to do.  For example, I think Son and Wyatt Earp sharing March 19th should be seen as a compliment to both of them; but Bruce Willis maybe not so lofty a connection.  Still better than Billy the Kid, who was born in November on the birthday of some other woman’s son.

Likewise Daughter’s calendar-driven kinship with legendary athlete and humanitarian Arthur Ashe, also born on July 10th.  Daughter certainly shares Ashe’s big heart, drive for excellence, and belief that the best hope for civilization lies in education.  But what about boxer Jake LaMotta, known as”The Raging Bull?”  He was a July 10 baby, too.  I suppose I could ask around Daughter’s inner circle about her left hook, but it’s not really a place I’d like to go.  I prefer to glance up at the bulletin board of photos over my desk and see her smiling at me in her prom dress, slender hands cradling a rose, not a sucker punch.

Today’s paper gives a roster of famous birthdays that includes the following:  Barbara Walters, 81; Michael Douglas, 66; Mark Hamill, 59; Catherine Zeta-Jones, 41.  First reaction here has to be LUKE SKYWALKER IS OLDER THAN ME!  Unlike Han Solo, who is ageless.  Next is to register surprise that Douglas and wife have the same birthday, separated by, oh, about a century.  Hooray for Hollywood.  Lastly and sadly, if only Gilda Radner were here to celebrate with Baba-Wawa.  That would be tewiffic.

Daughter’s Featured Fotos showcase NYC’s art installation Sukkah City.  For all the non-Jewish readers, a sukkah is a hut-like structure in which one eats, sleeps and visits during the holiday of Sukkot.  Its religious symbolism is to commemorate the time the Israelites spent in the wilderness after they were freed from slavery in Egypt.

angled

angled

womb-like

womb-like

pointy

pointy

invisible

invisible

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Don’t be an answer to a question that no one asked

Every morning I read the horoscopes of those I love, not because I believe in astrologists, but because the whole idea of a page in a newspaper devoted to such generic individual advice tickles me.  I fantasize about what it would take to gather the credentials necessary to secure a spot like that in syndication across the country, and I cannot help but be impressed.  The criteria must be nebulous, don’t you think?  I mean does an editor track the reliability of an astrology expert’s predictions over a period of time and decide, “Wow, I’m an Aquarius and I really did have a shitty day on Friday.  This applicant is spot on.  Let’s give her six inches of space.”  I have no idea, but every morning I check out Cancer for Daughter, Pisces for Son, and Taurus for Husband and me just to kick-start the party.  Today’s advice for Cancer is the entry title above, and I’m not sure exactly what it means, but I love the way it sounds and will keep its cautionary tone in mind today as I go about my Taurus affairs.

There is also a comic in my paper called Rhymes With Orange that is offbeat and often quite amusing.  I will need you to read this strip very quickly as I did not obtain proper reproduction permission.  Notice how quickly I have shed the astrologist’s advice to Cancer by singlehandedly answering the question, “What sort of cretin ignores copyrights?”  Hopefully, if cartoonist Hilary B. Price ever comes across this entry, she will reconsider litigation in light of the fact that I provided a link to her website.  Thanks in advance, Hilary.

don't be 1 rhymeswithorange9_20

This is the time of year when the festive string of holidays and their giddy anticipation begins.  First will come Halloween with its gluttonous gathering of Reese’s Peanut Butter cup minis and fun-size Three Musketeers bars.  Then begins the purchase of treats that will actually be given out at the door.  That celebration will be accompanied by the tense wondering about which part of our property will be hit with eggs.  I just had all the capping around the front windows replaced as a result of last year’s egg pelting, and our new bright red door is starting to look like an easy target.  We are the last house before the corner, a location that makes us a sitting duck for bored teens riding in cars with dairy products.  Ah, autumn in the suburbs.

After All Hallow’s Eve will come Thanksgiving, the most bittersweet holiday for me, being the one we always celebrated at my late parents’ home.  Well into their teens, Son and Daughter always delighted in the sight of the crayon cut-out turkeys they made in grade school taped to the door of my folks’ Bronx apartment.  The thought of there being a special place my father stored the kids’ childhood artwork all year in preparation for that one day charmed us all.  Our revised family tradition since my parents’ death has us gathering at the same restaurant every year, which I wrote about back in 2007’s Like the Pilgrims Before Us.  It’s a day I love and look forward to, all of us together, ordering from a menu I didn’t prepare.

Then, in a wink of an eye, it will be Christmas Eve at my friend betty’s, her family being our extended one.  The betty children were perhaps Son and Daughter’s earliest playmates, and I can remember the piñata whacks in their living room that foreshadowed Son’s high school baseball career, while young Daughter looked around the room thinking, “If I were older and the digital camera was invented, I would so be taking pictures of all this.”  Which might explain why I bought a Christmas gift yesterday for betty’s sister, a lovely Cynthia Rowley scarf to keep her warm now that she lives in Minneapolis.  It’s 80 degrees today in New York, and probably Minnesota too.  But in three blinks we’ll be drinking eggnog.  So much better than scraping it off the mailbox.

Daughter’s Featured Fotos take us for a Walk in the Park

the big day

the big day

making friends

making friends

pretty ladies

pretty ladies

learning to fly

learning to fly

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Hanging with the Bard

As part of my current course in Shakespearean drama, I viewed a videotape of a performance from 1976 of The Taming of the Shrew.  It was part of Public Broadcasting’s Great Performances series and features members of San Francisco’s American Conservatory Theatre.  Petruchio is stunningly portrayed by a gorgeous Marc Singer, later of Beastmaster fame.  The other performers are no slouches either, and the direction and staging is brilliant.  It is one of Shakespeare’s plays that truly benefits from the watching rather than the reading, since many of the verbal jousts that lie flat on the page spring vividly to life when spoken.  Or, as is often the case, shouted.

In case you’ve been away from the Bard for a while, The Taming of the Shrew is about a wealthy Italian patriarch who refuses to marry off his youngest, ladylike daughter, Bianca, until he finds a suitable husband for her elder, ill-tempered sister, Katherina.  As Bianca has many suitors and Katherina none, it behooves all those involved to hustle up a guy for the nasty wench, much to her annoyance and violent resistance.  The forced submission of feisty women in relationships is a meaty topic for literature, film and the stage, and has been for centuries.  This particular Shakespearean tale was retold as a 1950’s movie called Kiss Me, Kate, and again more recently with a high school setting in 10 Things I Hate About You.  By the time my kids have kids, there’ll no doubt be an even fresher version.

And why not, since domestic violence and marital subjugation were long considered to be acceptable in resolving discord between a man and (his) woman.  Male society in Shakespeare’s time considered itself burdened with irascible women who made unreasonable demands.  I have to tell you, I’d be pretty irascible too if I was born three hundred years before the tampon.  In fact, the Bard was responding to newly introduced marital reform measures when he restrained Petruchio from physical violence toward Katherina, and only had him deny her food and sleep as a means of educating her to her rightful place as her husband’s servant.  The truth is, the majority of Shakespeare’s audience would have been fine with watching a sound beating, and were maybe wondering what was up with this Petruchio fellow who acts like he forgot to eat his Wheaties.

In addition to clever wordplay, hilarious theatrical flourishes, and a dizzying array of identity switches, The Taming of the Shrew has at its heart a genuine respect and regard for love.  Within the confines of his era’s almost barbaric acceptance of violence against women, Shakespeare treated his female protagonists right, and always managed to give them their sly wink at the audience to show they knew the score.  Even though the deck was stacked against them and would be for centuries to come, Kate and Co. played the game with class and sass.  Every strong woman today owes them a wink.

Artist Bobby Hill’s Bhillboards Artshow fill Daughter’s Featured Fotos

poster girl

poster girl

chocolate

chocolate

dylan

dylan

barack

barack

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An Inside Job

I am writing this from my newly painted home office/formerly Daughter’s bedroom with the peach walls that I planned on being beige.  I wrote about this in Baker’s Dozen Love Story, but in case you didn’t read that particular entry, the short version is that despite being eager to repaint Daughter’s peach-colored walls, the end result was that I chose something eerily similar.  Since publishing that entry, I’ve formulated a theory about how this subconscious painting blunder occurred, but first I have to tell you about the Blind Lady.

I have found that it makes sense for me to enter trades people into my cell phone by their trade rather than their name since I’m more likely to be looking for “Electrician” rather than Stan or Anthony or whoever.  This is how I come to have a cell entry for “Blind Lady,” meaning the woman who furnishes our window treatments.  This week I had a home appointment with her to choose some stellar, kickass blinds for the three windows in my office, the goal being to create a diversion from the walls that seem to grow in peachiness each time I enter the room.

On her way to my house, the Blind Lady was in a six-car accident, her own vehicle being number five.  Here we will totally avoid the easy joke about the Blind Lady driving on the parkway and forge ahead.  She called me from the side of the road, ambulance sirens blaring in the background, to say she’d be about two hours late.  Although others in the accident had been injured, the Blind Lady was navigating a Yukon, a vehicle one notch below a Hummer in mass.  She came away unscathed, although the Yukon sustained thousands in damages.  I told her to just go home, but she said what the hell, the car was drivable so why not git ‘er done?  That’s one tough businesswoman.

With the Blind Lady’s expert advice, I chose luscious espresso-colored cellular shades that will soothe the sienna accent wall, and provide striking contrast to the peach ones.  It will be lovely.  As she wrote up the sale, I told how I came to repaint Daughter’s walls in a color oddly reminiscent of the original.  Husband says there is a reason for every decision, although it may not be the one we think.  He says sometimes it’s an inside job, social worker jargon for the stuff that goes on in our heads.  Since I no longer have regular sessions with the Wise Man, I have muddled my way through self-analysis of this issue and come out the other side.

I took over Daughter’s room, her special place painted in the color she chose.  Within these four walls she laughed, sobbed, studied, yakked on the phone, blasted her music, told secrets, made plans and defied me when she absolutely had to.  It was here she became the unstoppable individual she is today, still and always my best friend and favorite woman on the planet.  She has been out of my house and on her own for seven years, certainly long enough for me to pick the perfect color to make her walls my own.  And in the end, I didn’t.  Because keeping them peach somehow keeps a piece of her here.  It is a room I would rather share than own.

When I was done with my story, the Blind Lady asked where Daughter is now.  I told her she lives in the city and teaches kindergarten.  My guest opened her eyes wide and said her own daughter just started kindergarten.  We sat on the floor together silently, surrounded by sample books, thinking of our girls.  The Blind Lady looked around the room at my beautiful peach walls and smiled.

Here are Daughter’s Droid Fotos of NYC’s Fashion Night Out

chanel

chanel

prada

prada

i see you

i see you

prada boots

prada boots

agent provocateur

agent provocateur

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Baker’s Dozen Love Story

If you’ve had reason to redecorate in the past ten years, you may have noticed that the array of available colors has increased exponentially along with the variety of names those colors are called.  The wall of paint color strips in your local Benjamin Moore is nothing short of expansive, an overwhelming sight to a woman like me (beige) who can be obsessive about what she wants, but uncertain how to best achieve it.  What I wanted was to rid my office of the peach walls the room had worn since it was Daughter’s bedroom.  For the past several years, I’ve been glancing up at those peachy monoliths while writing my school papers or blog entries, and dreaming of the day the entire show would be recast in a subtle coffee color with cappuccino trim.

My chance arrived last week when we engaged a painter, a sort of relative by marriage we’ll call Steve, to spruce up our house.  I wrote about the turmoil of home redecorating a couple of years ago in A Darker Shade of Pale, and how Husband and I embrace color differently.  Like he does and I don’t.  Husband is a color adventurer, a character trait made both exciting and scary by his self-acknowledged tendency toward color blindness.  It is because of Husband’s insistence on doing something different that the French Manicure (beige) walls of our bedroom are accented by a Mexicana Red wall.  Likewise, the living room of our upstate condo, with its Blue Heron wall surrounded by Dusty Sand (beige).  Guess which of those colors I chose.  Over the years of our marriage, I have become more and more amenable to Husband’s splashes of unexpectedly brilliant hues in our surroundings.  I have discovered they even make me happy.

Steve the painter is well aware of my color schizophrenia, so he was pleased that all the choices were made and agreed upon by Husband and me prior to his arrival.  My office, however, was strictly my project.  For two weeks I walked around with paint strips holding them up to various lights and angles to help me choose wisely.  Should I go with Outer Banks or Careless Whispers?  Love Story or Sunset Canyon?  Whatever happened to names you could wrap a color-blocked head around?  Like just coffee instead of Morning Coffee which is like brownish mauve, or Southern Coffee which is brownish apricot.  Is this really necessary?  Feeling more stressed than adventurous, I settled on Baker’s Dozen for an accent wall and Love Story for the other three.  I thought the flesh tones in Love Story would nicely accompany the sienna-tinged sandstone vibrancy of Baker’s Dozen.  Hold that thought.

Steve put up the accent wall color as I was leaving for an appointment that would keep me away most of the day.  Things always look different on the wall than on those little paint chips, don’t they?  Fully executed, Baker’s Dozen struck me as reminiscent of my old junior high school’s cafeteria, sort of a muddy clay.  I went and held my little Love Story chip next to it and imagined how it’s sweetness would bring out the flesh tones I was looking for.  Sometimes I don’t know what planet I think I’m living on.

When I arrived home, Steve was done and I was horrified.  “It’s still peach,” I said.  “When are you going to do the Love Story walls?”  He looked at me in shock.  “I did.  That’s Love Story you’re looking at.  What color did you think it would be?”  I said, “I thought it would be flesh tone.  This is Nicole Kidman’s flesh tone.  I wanted Beyonce’s.”  Steve said he had to start another job the next day, but he could come back in October to repaint it Beyonce.  I told him thanks, but I’d learn to live with Nicole.

That evening, after a lovely Rosh Hashanah celebration at my friend Caryn’s, I rode along with Son to drop Daughter at the train station.  Backing out of Caryn’s driveway, Son’s Audi began beeping mercilessly.

SON:  Fasten your seat belt, Mom.

OSV:  I did.

SON:  (over the noise)  The beeping says you didn’t.

I pushed on the buckle and the beeping stopped.

SON:  The car doesn’t lie, Mom.

Neither do the paint chips.

Daughter’s Fotos of street art throw Color Caution to the wind

baker's 1 kingtut

baker's 2 joaquinphoenixbyshepardfairey

baker's 3 sunhinebar

baker's 4 superstar

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Bedbug City

It is now official; New York has reached its pinnacle of notoriety for the summer of 2010.  Along with the ongoing heated debate about the proposed lower Manhattan Islamic cultural center – dubbed the Ground Zero mosque – and the Empire State Building getting its nose all out of joint over the Very Tall Building scheduled to be erected in its path, the Big Apple has now beat out Philadelphia and Detroit as the acknowledged capital city of a vermin thought eradicated decades ago:  the bedbug.  Hearty reproducers, they made an end run around our desire for self-preservation.  We banned the toxic insecticides that killed them, allowing them to swell their population while we found other toxins to die from.

News reports keep adding to the list of buildings and businesses bringing in bedbug-sniffing dogs to detect infestation.  It seems no place is sacred, with the Brooklyn DA’s office, a midtown Victoria’s Secret, Columbia University, and even Google’s posh Manhattan digs being affected.  In fact, no one is immune, as bedbugs are hitchhiking parasites found in the cleanest and most well-maintained places.  To avoid the stigma of having an exterminator van parked in front of elite city dwellings, bug removal services have taken to arriving in unmarked vehicles with “technicians” attired in casual street wear.  Manhattan residents don’t even want to talk about it.  At dinner last week down in the Village with betty and Daughter, it was silently decided that my thrift store Lucky Jeans purchase would be stuffed in the far corner of our booth with the paper bag tightly closed.  The clerk had assured me that all the shop’s merchandise was carefully checked, but I gave those Luckys a forensic test outside on the street any CSI would approve.

Here in the comparatively bug free suburbs, our home is once again undergoing some long delayed maintenance.  In preparation for winter, we just had all the windows replaced, the outside power-washed, and the front door of our gray vinyl-sided house painted a terrific brick red.  Along with having the downstairs interior painted, I also had the plumber come to fix the leaks in our upstairs bathroom, a room that was added to the house over thirty years ago.  He was pretty amazed it still had the original fixtures, designs that must have seemed modern at the time of The Jetsons, but are now woefully outdated.  He removed some parts and headed for the front door to go out and buy replacements.  I asked him where he thought he’d find them.  He said, “The ‘70s.”

On his way out, I could see him glance down the first floor hallway toward the kids’ former bedrooms.  In the ceiling of that hall is the vent for a house fan we use frequently.  The pull chain locking mechanism broke many years ago, and my first husband, a physician, affixed a hemostat to the chain to use as a brake.  It may look a tad strange, this arterial compression surgical tool hanging under the vent, but it works just fine and as you may know from your own family experience, odd things become normal after years of living with them.

I remember 10-year-old Son pulling down the chain in front of a friend and being asked why there was a pair of scissors attached to it.  “It’s not scissors,” Son replied knowledgeably, “it’s a hemostat.”  “What’s a hemostat?” his friend asked.  “It’s used in surgery,” Son answered.  “My dad’s a doctor.”  Sounding like maybe when it’s not holding open the vent, it’s being used for abortions in our garage or something.  Son and his friend went into his room to play, and from where I was listening in the kitchen, I could only imagine the evening’s dinner conversation at that kid’s house.

bedbug 1 hemostat

Daughter’s Featured Fotos stroke the City We Love

from the Sky Bar

from the Sky Bar

Guinness Book record holder for hamburgers

Guinness Book record holder for hamburgers

rooftop

rooftop

NY Times Building

NY Times Building

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